Identify Your Feelings.

Sometimes after a loss, it is hard to figure out exactly what you are feeling. You may have several feelings at the same time or conflicting feelings, such as sadness and relief. Writing is a good way to identify what you are feeling. Writing about what you feel can:

• Stimulate thinking and help you organize and analyze your thoughts.
• Deepen your understanding of a situation and may help you get in touch with feelings you had not recognized before.
• Prompt you to reflect on what is happening to you. This can help you put things into perspective and come to an understanding of how the changes affect your life.

When you are ready:

• Set aside time to write.
• Choose a private, comfortable place to do your writing.
• Choose a method of writing. You may choose to write a letter to your loved one, for example, or a poem or story.
• Don't worry about how well you write. Write about everyday occurrences or conversations you have had.
• Write what you feel. Don't screen your thoughts; give yourself permission to write whatever comes to mind. Strong feelings (such as fear, anger, or frustration) may arise. Write about simple pleasures and joys you have experienced, too. If you have concerns about your strong feelings, talk with a trusted friend, member of the clergy, or mental health professional.

Accept your feelings

• Talk with people about how you are feeling. Resist the urge to be quiet around or avoid people. If you are having trouble talking about your feelings with family members and friends, consider joining a bereavement support group.
• Express your emotions. You may feel that this is a sign of weakness, or that you won't be able to control yourself if you show your emotions. None of these is true. However, if you are afraid that you might harm yourself or someone else if you express an emotion, talk with someone you trust, your health professional, or a mental health professional about your concerns.
• Be patient and kind to yourself. Your feelings may be unpredictable and uncomfortable. Remind yourself that your uncomfortable feelings are expected and will fade as time goes on.