Even though the loved one you've been caring for is still alive, you may have already started feeling the weight and pain of their loss.
While some people might think of this as a type of depression, it's really a distinct form of grieving. And it's also a natural, expected response to caring for someone with a long-term or incurable illness.
This kind of grief can hurt as much as what you feel when a loved one dies. Sometimes, it may make the loss after death easier, but not always.
It's real. You can't ignore it and hope to just power through. So allow yourself to process the grief and appreciate the time you have left.
What Is Anticipatory Grief?
Unlike the grief and mourning that happen after someone has passed away, this "anticipatory grief" begins before the person has died. But the emotions can be similar.
When someone has a disease, injury, or condition that permanently changes their personality, like Alzheimer's, the grief may come as it sinks in that your loved one, as you knew them, will be "gone" even before they're gone.
You might have anxiety, dread, or sadness as you wait for their passing.
You could also feel a sense of loss and longing for your independence and freedom as your own life changes because much of your time and energy is now going to someone who needs you. And that can also lead to guilt.
Anger, bitterness, even resentment are common feelings, too, as you're forced to come to terms with the fact that you can't change the outcome.It's important to remember that all of these feelings are normal in such a difficult situation. And often, primary caregivers -- those whose take on the daily responsibility for someone's well-being -- feel a piece of this loss each day, more deeply and in a way that others in their lives probably don't.
Be Honest About Your Feelings Whether it's a support group, a counselor, a good friend, or within the privacy of a journal, sharing what you're going through can ease those moments when you're sad, powerless, and tired. Your loved one may be dealing with their own grief, and you might find comfort together.
It's OK to cry or admit that you're angry or frustrated. These are helpful ways to keep pent up emotions from turning into resentment toward the person you care for or from taking a toll on your health.
While some people might think of this as a type of depression, it's really a distinct form of grieving. And it's also a natural, expected response to caring for someone with a long-term or incurable illness.
This kind of grief can hurt as much as what you feel when a loved one dies. Sometimes, it may make the loss after death easier, but not always.
It's real. You can't ignore it and hope to just power through. So allow yourself to process the grief and appreciate the time you have left.
What Is Anticipatory Grief?
Unlike the grief and mourning that happen after someone has passed away, this "anticipatory grief" begins before the person has died. But the emotions can be similar.
When someone has a disease, injury, or condition that permanently changes their personality, like Alzheimer's, the grief may come as it sinks in that your loved one, as you knew them, will be "gone" even before they're gone.
You might have anxiety, dread, or sadness as you wait for their passing.
You could also feel a sense of loss and longing for your independence and freedom as your own life changes because much of your time and energy is now going to someone who needs you. And that can also lead to guilt.
Anger, bitterness, even resentment are common feelings, too, as you're forced to come to terms with the fact that you can't change the outcome.It's important to remember that all of these feelings are normal in such a difficult situation. And often, primary caregivers -- those whose take on the daily responsibility for someone's well-being -- feel a piece of this loss each day, more deeply and in a way that others in their lives probably don't.
Be Honest About Your Feelings Whether it's a support group, a counselor, a good friend, or within the privacy of a journal, sharing what you're going through can ease those moments when you're sad, powerless, and tired. Your loved one may be dealing with their own grief, and you might find comfort together.
It's OK to cry or admit that you're angry or frustrated. These are helpful ways to keep pent up emotions from turning into resentment toward the person you care for or from taking a toll on your health.
