When someone has a prolonged fatal illness, suffers from serious progressive memory impairment, or is being kept alive by extreme medical interventions, their friends and family members may begin grieving the loss of their loved one's former self long before the actual death. This pre-death mourning is often referred to as anticipatory grief.
Anticipating the loss that it is coming and feeling helpless to do anything to change the inevitable can be just as painful as the post-death grieving period. Anticipatory grief can provoke a wide range of intense and often conflicting feelings. It is not unusual for those who are close to the afflicted person to experience guilt or shame for wishing it were finally over, or feeling as though their loved one is already a memory instead of a still-living presence. They may agonize over what they should or shouldn't do regarding medical interventions, such as those that maintain life through artificial means, and wish for a quick and final resolution that will relieve them of the painful burden of such important decision making.
Other commonly experienced reactions include hopefulness quickly countered by hopelessness, rage, denial, extreme anxiety, and deep depression. It is important to recognize that these are all normal and quite understandable reactions and that ultimately all feelings associated with anticipatory grief are the result of attempting to emotionally prepare for the inevitable.
In fact, the process of accepting the inevitable is what grieving is all about. The impending death of someone close can be a life-changing experiencing that impacts all aspects of your being. Throughout the time of anticipatory grief, it is crucial to seek and accept as much caring support as possible. For many, help from a professional therapist during this difficult period can prove tremendously beneficial in preparing emotionally for the loved one's death and using the interim time to contemplate and clear unresolved issues.
Anticipating the loss that it is coming and feeling helpless to do anything to change the inevitable can be just as painful as the post-death grieving period. Anticipatory grief can provoke a wide range of intense and often conflicting feelings. It is not unusual for those who are close to the afflicted person to experience guilt or shame for wishing it were finally over, or feeling as though their loved one is already a memory instead of a still-living presence. They may agonize over what they should or shouldn't do regarding medical interventions, such as those that maintain life through artificial means, and wish for a quick and final resolution that will relieve them of the painful burden of such important decision making.
Other commonly experienced reactions include hopefulness quickly countered by hopelessness, rage, denial, extreme anxiety, and deep depression. It is important to recognize that these are all normal and quite understandable reactions and that ultimately all feelings associated with anticipatory grief are the result of attempting to emotionally prepare for the inevitable.
In fact, the process of accepting the inevitable is what grieving is all about. The impending death of someone close can be a life-changing experiencing that impacts all aspects of your being. Throughout the time of anticipatory grief, it is crucial to seek and accept as much caring support as possible. For many, help from a professional therapist during this difficult period can prove tremendously beneficial in preparing emotionally for the loved one's death and using the interim time to contemplate and clear unresolved issues.
