Hear Your Thoughts and Feelings During the Holy Days.

Unless you have the disposition of one of Santa’s elves, you probably are like the rest of us and secretly dread some of the social obligations and anticipated interactions of the holiday season.   One ought to start to prepare for the Greatest  day of all year. The Greatest day of the year is the Birth of Christ, our God.  Sunday December 1, 2013 is the start of Advent.  

Meditation of how the Holy Family conquered the perils of life prior to the birth of Christ our God. When everyone meditates on these perils you will be more confident to break away from any anxieties during this most strengthen part of human life.

You might be bracing yourself for dreaded questions from people you haven’t seen since last year’s cookie exchange, such as, “So, what happened with your job? Were you let go??,” “You must be so sad about your ex. Haven’t you found anybody aelse yet, huh?”, “Wow. Do you like your hair that short?” or, “Oh…You’re going to have more pie?”

Along with jiggle bells, the holidays bring tremendous pressure to be “on” with little room for reprieve.This is a recipe for yuletide social anxiety.  Social anxiety occurs when we project our own self-loathing onto others and imagine that is the way they feel about us.  Usually, this is an unconscious process that leaves us feeling uncomfortable, inadequate, and annoyed. We may believe the source of our poor feelings is the judgement is others. Truthfully, nobody can make us feel badly about ourselves without our permission.

After nearly 18 years of counseling people through the holidays safely into the New Year, I recommend the following:

1. Calibrate your expectations to zero. Appreciate the power of self-fulfilling prophecy and don’t entertain thoughts of a cringeworthy Kwanza or you will be increasing the likelihood that things will play out exactly that way. Don’t imagine a Norman Rockwell Christmas or you will be setting yourself up for disappointment. Expect neither bad nor good, and accept things as they come.
2. Understand that no matter how things unfold, you are fine.Whether New Year’s Eve is a blast or a bust, things are exactly as they should be an you are perfectly fine and lovable just the same. You holiday antics are HOW things are, not WHO you are.
3. Remember, human beings are all pretty self-absorbed.When ruminating about the dumb things you said after your second mug of eggnog, remind yourself that nobody is paying as much attention to you as YOU. Practice self-compassion and replace the self-flagellation with  a soothing mantra, such as, “Nobody is perfect” or “I am doing the best that I can.”
4. Silence your inner critic. We all have a voice in our head that can be meaner to us than our worst relationship. Tell that voice to put a sock in it and practice some affirmations.
5. Detach from the toxicity of others. Recognize if somebody says something rude or insulting to you, their statement reveals more about them than you. Imagine you are separated from them by an invisible shield and all their negativity just bounces of it.
6. Control what you can and let go of the rest. You can’t control how much Uncle Bob drinks or your dad’s temper, but you can control your choices, behaviors and actions. Set healthy boundaries for yourself (it’s okay to graciously decline some invitations, to limit duration of a visit, etc.) Take time to look your best so you feel confident. Exercise to increase endorphins (nature’s antidepressant.) Practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and meditation to ground yourself in the present moment. Watch your substance use as alcohol can fuel depression and anxiety.
7. Don’t give other people the power to determine how you feel about yourself. Unplug from other people’s stuff and choose to like yourself. Or, even better, choose to LOVE yourself

At the Very Least contact Dr. Losito for any "High Touch" caring concerns for your well being throughout the Holy Days. I am here to hear your thoughts and feelings at the very minute of your contact.