6 Months or Less Diagnose for a Loved One.

Knowing how to offer comfort and support to a loved one who has a terminal illness can be challenging. What can you say or do? How can you help your loved one cope? How will you deal with your own grief? Get the facts about supporting a loved one who is terminally ill.My loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. How might our relationship change?Your relationship with your loved one might not necessarily change because he or she has a terminal illness. If you're concerned, try to build on your relationship's strengths. It's also important to be open to new possibilities. A loved one's terminal diagnosis might improve your relationship. Or unresolved conflicts might present new challenges.Remember that your loved one is still the same person and will still have the same needs and desires as he or she had before the terminal illness. Many people facing terminal illness want to be treated as normally as possible, without always focusing on the illness.How can I help my loved one cope with a terminal illness?Let your loved one know that you're willing to listen to his or her concerns — and never underestimate the value of your presence. Even if it feels as if you're not doing anything, your presence sends an important message. Don't, however, try to be a counselor.Is there a typical emotional process that a person who has a terminal illness experience?Dying isn't a science. Don't assume that a loved one who has a terminal illness is going to go through a methodical process of coming to terms with death. It might not happen that way.Acceptance or accommodation might be the most desirable outcome of the grieving process — learning to live as fully as possible while accepting the presence of a terminal illness.But does your loved one have to accept that he or she has a terminal illness? Does your loved one have to accept that he or she is going to die before he or she expected? No. There's no right or wrong way to come to terms with death.How do you help a loved one who's in denial about his or her impending death?Denial is an important coping mechanism. Your loved one might be in denial because the reality is too frightening, too overwhelming, or too much of a threat to his or her sense of control. A denial is a form of natural protection that can allow your loved one to let reality in bit by bit and continue living as he or she contemplates death.As long as denial isn't causing your loved one significant harm — such as causing him or her to seek out painful treatments of no therapeutic value — then denial isn't necessarily bad.Your loved one might be afraid of pain. Perhaps your loved one is afraid of losing control of his or her bodily functions, mind or autonomy. Your loved one might also fear failing family or become a burden to others.To provide emotional and spiritual support to your loved one, invite him or her to talk about his or her fears. Sometimes, however, it's easier for a dying person to share what he or she fears and explore it with someone other than a family member, such as a Bereavement Professional as Dr. Nicholas Losito, Ph.D.

Reel In a Veteran From the Cold

Grief and Loss just steam from death of a family member. We can also experience they way we are treated from employment, living conditions, and how we are perceived from society.

I have provided assistance such a person from rude and crude ways from employer that pushed a much hidden agenda they had other employee providing observations to the senior staff regarding work and other non work related experience. From the very start the patient continuously suffered more from being thrown into a VASH project based housing in another city from where my patient resided.  VA did not provide safe, secure, and warm living conditions after the present administration took everything away from my patient.  While, VA continues” Not” think of the Veteran “Feelings and Thoughts” at all.

Since, the debacle occurred health has taken a toll on the patient with a few long term stays in the Medical Center.  I was the only one that made a visit to ensure proper treatments, care, and provided uplifting improved Self –Esteem.

We are requesting legal assistance  to enroll into the 501 3 (C) program to garner improved Financial Assistance for the Veteran "Hand Up." back into Society the Shadow Administration  imposed upon a Veteran.

We Implore you kind and generous care to provide items and services, which will slingshot my patient back into employment, Improved Living Conditions, along with a vehicle, which will provide transportation for employment with a quick evacuation,when employment is securely secured.    

We have set up an Bereavement Appeal at https://igg.me/at/aEJufQ5xizc  

Items which are currently requested for the Patient Birthday and Re-Entry Appeal

·         Dental and Vision Exams

·         Cardiologist Specialist

·         Retired Flag Officer act as  a Mentor

·         Employment

·         Improved Living Conditions in a Small Patriotic Town

·         Advanced Education

·         2008 Chevrolet Yukon  with trailer hitch

·         Long bed trailer

·         Heart Healthy Foods

·         10 W boots and shoots

·         Business Attire

·         Chevron Fuel Card

·          Laundry and dry cleaning services

·          Full Coverage  Auto Insurance for 1 year

On behalf of the Patient / Veteran, We Are Very Grateful For Your Support and Care. 

14 Things You Should (and Should Not) Say to Widows and Widowers

Do you know someone whose spouse has died?

Have you ever wondered what to say to him or her?

If so, you are not alone. We live in a society where death and grief are off limits topics; so most people were never taught what to say to the widowed. Even worse, most people were taught that sad feelings should be avoided at all costs. When they come across someone whose spouse has died they try to find a positive spin, fix them, or offer advice that doesn’t work.

Did you know that 85% of things people say to the widowed are not helpful?

Recovery from grief involves healing a broken heart, not a broken brain. The more often people attempt to fix widows and widowers with intellectual comments and advice the more isolated they feel. They might even start to think something is wrong with them because they are still grieving.

Here are 11 things not to say to a widow or widower:

• Be grateful for the time you were married

• You’re still young. You can always remarry

• You must stay strong for your children

• Don’t feel bad, your husband is no longer in pain (if he died of an illness)

• Your wife wouldn’t want you to be sad. She’d want you to celebrate her life

• Everything happens for a reason

• This might be a good time for you to get a new pet or take up a new hobby

• Make sure you donate all your husbands’ stuff to charity. You don’t need any reminders of him

• Make sure you don’t throw away any of your wife’s stuff. You will regret it.

• It just takes time

• I know what you’re going through (then start talking about your own loss)

Although some of these statements might be intellectually true, they are aimed at the head, not the heart, so won’t help someone who lost his or her life partner feel any better.

Try saying these helpful things to a widow or widower instead:

• What happened?

Ask what happened then actually listen to their reply. Widows and widowers need and want to be listened to. The most loving thing you can do for them is to listen to them without judgment, comparison, or trying to fix them

• I don’t know what to say

It’s okay to tell the truth if you don’t know what to say. Your honesty allows the widowed to know you are a safe person to talk to because they’ll know you aren’t trying to fix them.

• I can’t image how you feel No two relationships are the same because they are comprised of two different people. So even if you’ve had a spouse die you could never know exactly how another widow or widower feels. At best you only how you felt when your loss occurred.

Have you experienced some of these comments following the loss of your spouse? Are there any comments that you would like to add that you found to be hurtful or helpful?

Grief and Grieving - Treatment Overview

Grief  itself is a natural response that doesn't require medical treatment. But sometimes people need help getting through the grieving process.

Initial grief

• Medicine. During the initial days of grief, anxiety or sleeplessness can make it difficult to function. If you suffer more than a few days of severe agitation, talk to your doctor about whether a short-term prescription sedative medicine can help you. (Doctors disagree about the usefulness of medicines for people who are grieving. Some doctors believe that giving medicines for anxiety or sleep may interfere with the ability to grieve.)

• Counseling. If you find that obstacles to grieving are making it difficult to function after a loss, talk to Dr. Losito at 877-867-8556 , attend a bereavement support group, or both. Counseling and support groups can also help you work through unresolved grief from a past loss.

Chronic grief and complications

If you or someone you know exhibits suicidal behavior  (such as thinking you cannot stop yourself from harming or killing yourself), call 911 or other emergency services immediately.

If you find that a major loss has caused complications, such as depression, prolonged anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or severe and prolonged grief, see your doctor and a grief counselor for treatment.

If you have a chronic medical condition that has been made worse by the emotional and physical stress of grief, see your doctor immediately.

My Own Bereavement

My father died at noon on my Birthday when I was 36years old, so I can understand why people grieve during the Holy Season;  Although, my father had been ill for few years, I felt the bizarre combination of shock, loss, and relief. I even felt joy because he was finally out of pain and with Jesus. During the next few months, those emotions constantly bounced around inside of me until I felt like my mind was playing the old children’s game of Fruit; consequently, I was not able to look at a French Fry in the Face for many months. 

Basket Turn Over. One day, I was able to feel joyful, the next, I grieved, the next I felt totally lost.

Late on that Christmas afternoon, I returned to my apartment. When I opened the door I heard joyful voices singing, “We Wish You a Merry Christmas!” In my haste, I had left the Christmas music playing. The colorful lights on our tree were cheerfully twinkling, seeming to mock my father’s death. “How could anybody die on Christmas day?” I asked myself. Everything felt surreal. I felt a little crazy, but later I learned that my feelings were the normal responses to shock and grief.

Until my father died, I had not experienced the death of anyone close to me. I had no idea how to bear grief. I decided to ignore my grief and pretend that my father was still alive until the very next Christmas. That sounds a little crazy, but I know now that it was the only way I could temporarily cope. I had to finally face the loss of my father and learn how to bear grief. In fact, that very next Christmas continued to face this Holy Day could not be same from previous Christmases.  Christmas was the Holy Day my Father provided a sense of care and concern to all. Now this had to be restructured to something completely all new. 

Your grief

I know that many people are experiencing loss at this time of year, especially. For example, you may have been divorced since the last Christmas or one of your sons or daughters may be at war or a friendship may have been broken over the last year. Perhaps it’s health problems that have robbed you of many activities that were common to your life before this year or someone you love may have died.

Grief is an experience that is common to everyone. Nobody who has ever lived on this earth has been able to avoid it, but it often comes to us when we least expect it. We can easily be overwhelmed and stuck in grief for years, if we do not have some understanding of it.

Getting Through Grief

Since my father died, I have learned three things that have helped me deal with grief.

1. Grief usually comes in waves, which lasts about 20 to 30 minutes.

The body cannot sustain such strong grieving for much longer than that. After my father died, I had been afraid that such strong grief would just consume me. I feared that my grief would drag me down into a dark hole and I would never be able to come out again.

When I found out that the waves had a limit, I felt safe to let go, to cry, or talk or write my feelings down. In the months that followed, the grief waves also came less and less. I learned that the Holy Spirit is the God of all comfort (2 Cor.1:1-3) and I learned to ask Him to enter those grief waves with me. He did and He brought comfort. The grief hurt, but I wasn’t nearly as afraid.

2. Emotions don’t know time and space.

Memories are stimulated through the senses. For example, you may hear a familiar song that takes you emotionally back to a very sad place. The smell of potpourri may cause you to think of familiar previous family rituals that can no longer occur. The sight of a Christmas ornament can remind you of people who are no longer alive.

A few years after my father died, an uncle came to visit us. As I hugged him, I smelled Old Spice cologne, which had been my father’s favorite. Suddenly, I felt like a helpless 36 year-old whose heart had just been broken. I didn’t know how to come forward emotionally and I got stuck in a miserable emotional state that Christmas.

Now I remind myself to pay attention to my senses before each holiday season begins. I begin to say to myself, “That was then and this is now.” I learned to pause between the stimuli and my response. I began to practice enjoying what I have “now,” rather than automatically letting myself move emotionally backward in my mind. I have learned to celebrate the season for what it is “right now” in my life, remembering the birth of Jesus, counting the ways His birth has brought blessings and joy into my life.

This was a discipline that I had to practice and, year by year, this process has helped me live in the present.

3. Confine and assign time to your feelings

We don’t need to ignore our feelings altogether, but it’s helpful to deliberately make a time and place for them.

I began to set aside a period of time to think about my father. Sometimes I wrote about him in a journal. Other times I talked about him to my children, sometimes I lit a Christmas candle and gave thanks for him. I also looked through a scrapbook of my childhood. However, I placed a time limit on my grief and nostalgia.

I had to exercise my will to do this, making a decision to invest most of my energy into the family members who were still with me, serving friends and strangers who had needs. I invested my energy more and more into serving than grieving, and creating new memories, rather than looking back.

Years from now, you may find yourself writing or telling your grief story. Your pain will be less, because you will have experienced the Lord’s comfort. You will have also practiced the process of grieving. You will know that every day is a new day. Every day will train you to help others in grief, just as our Lord promised.

There’s no doubt that the holidays can be a sad time for those of us who are experiencing loss. But with God’s strength and grace, He can help us make it through the sadness finding peace and healing that is found in Him –The Prince of Peace. Jesus continues to seek and find us at Christmas, bringing hope to our hurting hearts.  

Dr. Nicholas Losito, Ph.D, CISM,  is the Clinical Director of Hand of  Compassion. He is available for further consults and support during the Christmas season and right through into the New Year. 

Blue Christmas: 6 Tips for Coping with Grief During the Holidays The rest of the world seems overjoyed with holiday spirit and yet you just want to get in bed and pull the covers over your head. You’re grieving. Perhaps your loss was quite recent or maybe it occurred years ago. All you know is that you dread this time of year and cannot wait for it to be over. While the holidays are definitely a challenge for grievers, using these 6 strategies will help you feel a little less blue. Talk about your Loved One – Don’t be afraid to mention your loved one when you’re at a party or with friends and family. Often people are reluctant to mention the deceased because they are afraid to ‘upset’ you. They don’t realize that your loved one is always on your mind and that it’s healthy to reminisce. Be the one to share memories and to encourage conversation. Express your Feelings – Holding in pent up emotion is not healthy. If you want to cry, let yourself cry. If you need to express anger, write in a journal. Try creative arts to express the many feelings you’re experiencing. Use on-line sites to connect with other grievers and talk about your feelings. Letting yourself feel the pain and then finding expression for that pain is an important aspect to healing. Light a Candle – Light a memorial candle at the holiday dinner table to honor the light of your loved one. Remember that although their physical form has gone, they are very much still a part of your life. Hold that love close to your heart and remember that your life has been enriched by their love. Shop and Share – A frequent sadness for grievers is not being able to shop for their loved one. Try going shopping for things that you might have purchased for your dear one and then donating those items to a homeless shelter, a hospital, or a charity. Cut Yourself Slack – Be extremely gentle and kind to yourself. If you don’t feel like going to a party, don’t go. If you don’t want to send cards, then don’t send them. Do the absolute minimum necessary for you to celebrate the holidays. Grieving is exhausting and you simply won’t have extra energy to expend. When possible, ask friends and neighbors to help you with tasks that feel overwhelming. Try to do your shopping on-line. Set your bar low and give yourself permission to take it easy. Simple Pleasures – Even if your heart is broken, you can look for simple pleasures to savor. See if you can find one tiny thing each day for which you can be grateful. Notice your health, your loved ones who are still living, even small sensory pleasures like tastes, smells, and sounds. Try shining the focus of your attention on small things in your life that bring you some happiness. Using these tips will help ease you through the holidays. Remember that grieving is one of the most universal of all experiences – you are not alone.

The rest of the world seems overjoyed with holiday spirit and yet you just want to get in bed and pull the covers over your head.  You’re grieving.  Perhaps your loss was quite recent or maybe it occurred years ago.  All you know is that you dread this time of year and cannot wait for it to be over.

While the holidays are definitely a challenge for grievers, using these 6 strategies will help you feel a little less blue.

Talk about your Loved One – Don’t be afraid to mention your loved one when you’re at a party or with friends and family.  Often people are reluctant to mention the deceased because they are afraid to ‘upset’ you.  They don’t realize that your loved one is always on your mind and that it’s healthy to reminisce.  Be the one to share memories and to encourage conversation.

Express your Feelings – Holding in pent up emotion is not healthy.  If you want to cry, let yourself cry.  If you need to express anger, write in a journal.  Try creative arts to express the many feelings you’re experiencing.  Use on-line sites to connect with other grievers and talk about your feelings.  Letting yourself feel the pain and then finding expression for that pain is an important aspect to healing.

Light a Candle – Light a memorial candle at the holiday dinner table to honor the light of your loved one.  Remember that although their physical form has gone, they are very much still a part of your life.  Hold that love close to your heart and remember that your life has been enriched by their love.

Shop and Share – A frequent sadness for grievers is not being able to shop for their loved one.  Try going shopping for things that you might have purchased for your dear one and then donating those items to a homeless shelter, a hospital, or a charity.

Cut Yourself Slack – Be extremely gentle and kind to yourself.  If you don’t feel like going to a party, don’t go.  If you don’t want to send cards, then don’t send them.  Do the absolute minimum necessary for you to celebrate the holidays.  Grieving is exhausting and you simply won’t have extra energy to expend.  When possible, ask friends and neighbors to help you with tasks that feel overwhelming.  Try to do your shopping on-line.  Set your bar low and give yourself permission to take it easy.

Simple Pleasures – Even if your heart is broken, you can look for simple pleasures to savor.  See if you can find one tiny thing each day for which you can be grateful.  Notice your health, your loved ones who are still living, even small sensory pleasures like tastes, smells, and sounds.  Try shining the focus of your attention on small things in your life that bring you some happiness.

Using these tips will help ease you through the holidays.  Remember that grieving is one of the most universal of all experiences – you are not alone.

Coping with reminders after a loss

When a loved one dies, you might be faced with grief over your loss again and again — sometimes even years later. Feelings of grief might return on the anniversary of your loved one's death, birthday or other special days throughout the year.

These feelings, sometimes called an anniversary reaction, aren't necessarily a setback in the grieving process. They're a reflection that your loved one's life was important to you.

To continue on the path toward healing, know what to expect — and how to cope with reminders of your loss.

Reminders can be anywhere

Certain reminders of your loved one might be inevitable, especially on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other special days that follow your loved one's death.

Reminders aren't just tied to the calendar, though. They can be tied to sights, sounds and smells — and they can ambush you. You might suddenly be flooded with emotions when you drive by the restaurant your partner loved or when you hear your child's favorite song. Even memorial celebrations for others can trigger the pain of your own loss.

What to expect when grief returns

Anniversary reactions can last for days at a time or — in more extreme cases — much longer. During an anniversary reaction you might experience:

• Sadness
• Loneliness
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Trouble sleeping
• Fatigue
• Pain

Anniversary reactions can also evoke powerful memories of the feelings and events surrounding your loved one's death. For example, you might remember in great detail where you were and what you were doing when your loved one died.

Tips to cope with reawakened grief

Even years after a loss, you might continue to feel sadness when you're confronted with reminders of your loved one's death. As you continue healing, take steps to cope with reminders of your loss. For example:

• Be prepared. Anniversary reactions are normal. Knowing that you're likely to experience anniversary reactions can help you understand them and even turn them into opportunities for healing.
• Plan a distraction. Schedule a gathering or a visit with friends or loved ones during times when you're likely to feel alone or be reminded of your loved one's death.
• Reminisce about your relationship. Focus on the good things about your relationship with your loved one and the time you had together, rather than the loss. Write a letter to your loved one or a note about some of your good memories. You can add to this note anytime.
• Start a new tradition. Make a donation to a charitable organization in your loved one's name on birthdays or holidays, or plant a tree in honor of your loved one.
• Connect with others. Draw friends and loved ones close to you, including people who were special to your loved one. Find someone who'll encourage you to talk about your loss. Stay connected to your usual support systems, such as spiritual leaders and social groups. Consider joining a bereavement support group.
• Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions. It's OK to be sad and feel a sense of loss, but also allow yourself to experience joy and happiness. As you celebrate special times, you might find yourself both laughing and crying.

When grief becomes overly intense

There's no time limit for grief, and anniversary reactions can leave you reeling. Still, the intensity of grief tends to lessen with time.

If your grief gets worse over time instead of better or interferes with your ability to function in daily life, consult a grief counselor or other mental health provider. Unresolved or complicated grief can lead to depression and other mental health problems. With professional help, however, you can re-establish a sense of control and direction in your life — and return to the path toward healing.

Mother's Day

I know Mother's Day is hard for many of my friends. Know that I love you and you are in my prayers with many healing hugs of care and concern for as ll at this most sensitive moment in history.

For a Total Healing of  heart, mind, and soul. 

When to seek Dr. Losito's help for grief ?

If you recognize any of the above symptoms of complicated grief or clinical depression, talk to a mental health professional right away. Left untreated, complicated grief and depression can lead to significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide. But treatment can help you get better.

Contact a grief counselor, Dr. Losito, if you:

• Feel like life isn’t worth living
• Wish you had died with your loved one
• Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
• Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
• Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss
• Are unable to perform your normal daily activities

Bereavement and Your Teeth

How Stress Affects Your Oral Health

Excess stress may give you a headache, a stomachache, or just a feeling of being "on edge." But too much stress could also be doing a number on your mouth, teeth, gums, and overall health.

The potential fallout from stress and anxiety that can affect your oral health includes:

• Mouth sores, including canker sores and cold sores
• Clenching of teeth and teeth grinding (bruxism)
• Poor oral hygiene and unhealthy eating routines
• Periodontal (gum) disease or worsening of existing periodontal disease

So how can you prevent these oral health problems?

Mouth Sores

Canker sores -- small ulcers with a white or grayish base and bordered in red -- appear inside the mouth, sometimes in pairs or even greater numbers. Although experts aren't sure what causes them -- it could be immune system problems, bacteria, or viruses -- they do think that stress, as well as fatigue and allergies, can increase the risk of getting them. Canker sores are not contagious.

Most canker sores disappear in a week to 10 days. For relief from the irritation, try over-the-counter topical anesthetics. To reduce irritation, don't eat spicy, hot foods or foods with a high acid content, such as tomatoes or citrus fruits.

Cold sores, also called fever blisters, are caused by the herpes simplex virus and are contagious. Cold sores are fluid-filled blisters that often appear on or around the lips, but can also crop up under the nose or around the chin area.

Emotional upset can trigger an outbreak. So can a fever, a sunburn, or skin abrasion.

Like canker sores, fever blisters often heal on their own in a week or so. Treatment is available, including over-the-counter remedies and prescription antiviral drugs. Ask your doctor or dentist if you could benefit from either. It's important to start treatment as soon as you notice the cold sore forming.

Teeth Grinding

Stress may make you clench and grind your teeth -- during the day or at night, and often subconsciously. Teeth grinding is also known as bruxism.

If you already clench and grind your teeth, stress could make the habit worse. And, grinding your teeth can lead to problems with the temporomandibular joint (TMJ), located in front of the ear where the skull and lower jaw meet.

See your doctor and ask what can be done for the clenching and grinding. Your dentist may recommend a night guard, worn as you sleep, or another appliance to help you stop or minimize the actions.

GRIEF NEVER ENDS ....

Hear Your Thoughts and Feelings During the Holy Days.

Unless you have the disposition of one of Santa’s elves, you probably are like the rest of us and secretly dread some of the social obligations and anticipated interactions of the holiday season.   One ought to start to prepare for the Greatest  day of all year. The Greatest day of the year is the Birth of Christ, our God.  Sunday December 1, 2013 is the start of Advent.  

Meditation of how the Holy Family conquered the perils of life prior to the birth of Christ our God. When everyone meditates on these perils you will be more confident to break away from any anxieties during this most strengthen part of human life.

You might be bracing yourself for dreaded questions from people you haven’t seen since last year’s cookie exchange, such as, “So, what happened with your job? Were you let go??,” “You must be so sad about your ex. Haven’t you found anybody aelse yet, huh?”, “Wow. Do you like your hair that short?” or, “Oh…You’re going to have more pie?”

Along with jiggle bells, the holidays bring tremendous pressure to be “on” with little room for reprieve.This is a recipe for yuletide social anxiety.  Social anxiety occurs when we project our own self-loathing onto others and imagine that is the way they feel about us.  Usually, this is an unconscious process that leaves us feeling uncomfortable, inadequate, and annoyed. We may believe the source of our poor feelings is the judgement is others. Truthfully, nobody can make us feel badly about ourselves without our permission.

After nearly 18 years of counseling people through the holidays safely into the New Year, I recommend the following:

1. Calibrate your expectations to zero. Appreciate the power of self-fulfilling prophecy and don’t entertain thoughts of a cringeworthy Kwanza or you will be increasing the likelihood that things will play out exactly that way. Don’t imagine a Norman Rockwell Christmas or you will be setting yourself up for disappointment. Expect neither bad nor good, and accept things as they come.
2. Understand that no matter how things unfold, you are fine.Whether New Year’s Eve is a blast or a bust, things are exactly as they should be an you are perfectly fine and lovable just the same. You holiday antics are HOW things are, not WHO you are.
3. Remember, human beings are all pretty self-absorbed.When ruminating about the dumb things you said after your second mug of eggnog, remind yourself that nobody is paying as much attention to you as YOU. Practice self-compassion and replace the self-flagellation with  a soothing mantra, such as, “Nobody is perfect” or “I am doing the best that I can.”
4. Silence your inner critic. We all have a voice in our head that can be meaner to us than our worst relationship. Tell that voice to put a sock in it and practice some affirmations.
5. Detach from the toxicity of others. Recognize if somebody says something rude or insulting to you, their statement reveals more about them than you. Imagine you are separated from them by an invisible shield and all their negativity just bounces of it.
6. Control what you can and let go of the rest. You can’t control how much Uncle Bob drinks or your dad’s temper, but you can control your choices, behaviors and actions. Set healthy boundaries for yourself (it’s okay to graciously decline some invitations, to limit duration of a visit, etc.) Take time to look your best so you feel confident. Exercise to increase endorphins (nature’s antidepressant.) Practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and meditation to ground yourself in the present moment. Watch your substance use as alcohol can fuel depression and anxiety.
7. Don’t give other people the power to determine how you feel about yourself. Unplug from other people’s stuff and choose to like yourself. Or, even better, choose to LOVE yourself

At the Very Least contact Dr. Losito for any "High Touch" caring concerns for your well being throughout the Holy Days. I am here to hear your thoughts and feelings at the very minute of your contact. 

Pre-Anticipatory Grief

The death of someone close to us is the most severe stressor imaginable. Bereavement brings a high risk of mental and physical health problems for a long time afterward.

Grieving is a completely natural process, but it can be profoundly painful and distressing.
Occasionally we are aware in advance that someone is reaching the end of his or her life, and in this case the experience of grieving partly begins before their death occurs.

To a certain extent it is impossible to be prepared for the loss of a loved one. It is a time of overwhelming emotions. Despite these feelings, however, it may be possible to plan ahead for this difficult time, particularly to ease any practical issues surrounding the eventual death. This can help reduce the complications in the first hours and days of bereavement, and also later as you struggle to carry on. Taking action in advance can be comforting because you are able just to cope with the circumstances without the added pressure to “get yourself together” and sort things out.

• Build a network of caring people. Family friends, neighbors, colleagues and strangers in a self-help group who have “been there” can give support. Let the people close to you know what you’re going through and warn them that you may soon need more support that usual, or not to be offended if you don’t contact them for a while.
  Knowing when to ask for help is important and so is being allowed to be alone with your thoughts. One of the keys to coping is to consider bereavement as a normal natural part of life which can be a topic of conversation without fear or discomfort.
• Look after yourself physically. Try to eat well and get plenty of rest. It is very easy to overlook your physical needs when you are busy dealing with everything that has to be done surrounding a death or struggling with grief.You may have difficulty getting to sleep, and your sleep may be disturbed by vivid dreams and long periods of wakefulness. You may also lose your appetite, feel tense and short of breath, or drained and lethargic. Don’t try to do too much.
• If possible, speak to your boss about having time off work or at least delegating some of your workload to a colleague. Gather information on the financial and legal aspects of bereavement in advance, so you feel less overwhelmed.
• Prepare children by explaining the situation and how they are likely to feel at the time of the death and afterward. Warn them if any practical arrangements are going to change. Think about whether to find a specially-trained counselor to help them, and keep their school informed.

Emotionally, you will be getting used to the idea of the loss, but this may happen gradually, in fits and starts. It is often not as simple as it sounds, especially if you have known the person for a long time. You may switch between talking rationally about the situation, then have a sudden surge of hope that the person will recover.

Talking about the future loss may help you get used to the reality of the death and work through some of the pain. Remember it isn’t morbid to talk about death, and it’s sensible to be prepared for it as far as possible. At times, you may be the person who can support others also affected by the loss. As you do this you will probably, slowly, find a way of imagining life after the loss, with the person in your thoughts and memories.

Depression is a natural part of grief, and usually lifts of its own accord. But if it doesn't, you may begin to worry that you are becoming clinically depressed. This can be treated and there are different ways of getting through it, which you could discuss with your medical doctor.

Remember Josefina !

Today Is Mother's Day a day this bereavement specialist can summarize a portion of Life, where I learned from a Devout Woman that provided direction in how I would proceed with future clients. Her was Josefina. She continued to empathize to me " Understand your clients, when you completing understand your clients they will completely place their trust and confidence in your treatments and directions of providing a cures in their hurt and sorrowful lives." 

This is reason my career has been transformed by a Godly woman Josefina that seen a diamond in the rough.  I was greatly sadden when I heard she had taken ill and succumb. I pray that she will intercede for me, my career, and provide a miracle in my life that will place her into line toward Sainthood in the Roman Church. 

Happy Mother's Day Josefina and please continue to intercede for me !

Please Protect Our Loved Ones.

Yes Guardian Angels, please protect GP, and loved ones from all harm today and until the final analyst of life.
 

Holy Innocents -

A Prayer To The Holy Innocents

Holy Innocents, you died before you were old enough to know what life means, pray for all children who die young that God may gather them into His loving arms.

Holy Innocents, you were killed because one man was filled with hatred, pray for those who hate that God may touch their hearts and fill them with love.

Holy Innocents, you experienced a violent death, pray for all who are affected by violence that they may find peace and love.

Holy Innocents, your parents grieved for you with deep and lasting sorrow, pray for all parents who have lost young children that God may wrap a warm blanket of comfort around them.

Holy Innocents, those around you certainly felt helpless to prevent your deaths, pray for all who feel helpless in their circumstances that they may cling to God for courage and hope.

Holy Innocents, you who are now in Heaven, pray for all of us that one day we may join you there to bask in God's love forever.

Amen.

 

Abandoment in a Life of Veteran

In 9 days another Sacramento Veteran with professional experiences will be without a place to reside due to unemployed and has been abandoned. Hand of Passion is requesting your caring and concerned assistance during the Holy Days to assist this professional Vet with a warm place to stay i.e loft, barn, basement that is currently unused or abandon. Please contact Hand of Passion Clinical Director for further details.