What do you Say at the hour of Death

What do you say to a person that is dying?  What about someone who is dying without Christ?  What I would say to a person who is dying in the faith of Jesus Christ is quite different than what I would say to a person that is dying and does not believe in Him.  My first thought of someone who is dying without Jesus Christ is that they will be forever separated from God with no second chance of reconciliation.  That the person who dies without Christ will be cut off from God for eternity is something that rends my heart.  I have had experiences with both.

What to Say to a Person Dying Without Christ?

I would ask them if they have ever heard about Jesus.  What do they think about Him?  Do they believe in God?  What do they believe will happen to them after they die?  Where would a person spend eternity after death?  These are sobering questions that are very serious.  I would never shy away from asking a person who may not have long to live these questions.  There eternal destiny is at stake.  The fact is that no one who is without Christ has any guarantee that they will live beyond tonight.  They could die in their sleep.  They could die tomorrow in an accident.  I certainly would hope that they would not but the Bible says that there is a day of judgment coming.  Whether they believe it or not does not change the reality of this fact.

Hebrews 9:27 actually says that we have a day that God has appointed for us to die, saying “And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment.”  God has actually given each human being a set number of days to live.  Psalm 139:16 makes this clear, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Ecclesiastes 3:2a clearly indicates that there is “a time to be born and a time to die.”

The only thing that you can say to someone who does not know Christ and is dying is to reveal to them that they will spend eternity somewhere.  You can tell them that if they have lost any loved ones who were believers, they are now safely in the bosom of Jesus.  This is nothing more certain than death and nothing more sure than Jesus Christ’s free offer of salvation through belief in Him.  He came to earth to live a perfect life, leaving His glory in heaven.  He came to have God place His holy wrath on Him in our place so that we might be able to spend eternity with Him.  That is His desire.  God keeps His promises and if you believe in Him, He will never leave you nor forsake you even after death (Heb 13:5).   Second Peter 3:9 reveals that “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”  Knowing that He doesn’t want anyone to perish without Him, if you will place your trust in Him, He will give you saving faith.

Here is all that is involved.

“If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Rom 10:9).

“Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household” (Acts 16:31).

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

How to Pray With the Dying: 5 Helpful Tips

Tip Number One- Read and Quote The Bible

The Scriptures above are great to read again and to ensure them that since they believe in Him and all the promises that Jesus has made, then they have no worries after the die.  You will most likely have to read them back to them but they may want to do this themselves.  Leave it up to them, even if this means that they don’t want them read back to them.  Respect their rights.  Do as they say.  If they profess these beliefs, then we can know that they already have eternal life.  John 6:54 says “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood (become a believer and participated in Communion) has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.”  Of course if they haven’t had a chance to be baptized or to have Communion, I try to reassure them that God is faithful and will not suffer us to remain in the grave if we believe in Him (John 3:16).  There is real power in the Word of God so I try to use this power.  In fact, the verses above contain the very power of God.  The power is actually in the gospel as Paul says in Romans 1:16b, “because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.”

Tip Number Two- Comfort Them

I have experienced this situation and it is such an amazing thing being with a saint that is near death and with their having the full assurance of faith in Christ.  This is somewhat easier in the sense that you can provide comfort with the surety of God’s promises from His inerrant Word.  It is always good to have a person reaffirm their beliefs.  The certainty of the promises of God can provide peace and comfort knowing that those who die in Christ will be absent from the body but will be present with the Lord (2 Cor 5:8).

Tip Number Three- Pray With Them

Pray with them.  For me, I have been moved to tears…and that’s okay.  It is completely natural. They may cry as well.  There is healing in tears.  It is highly likely that they have endured great suffering up to this point and that great day with the Lord is something to eagerly anticipate.

Now this is just my own personal preference and of course, you can use your own methods and words, but I love praying back some of God’s promises.  You may have special verses or a prayer from the Bible that you use, but I love using the Word of God in prayer because God loves it when we pray back His promises. The Psalms for example are full of hope-filled assurances that we can count on.  So here is my own personal prayer using Scriptures that I love but I don‘t include chapter and verse:

“Oh Righteous Father, we know our days are numbered in your book of life and that precious in your sight are the death of your saints.  We are so thankful that we can stand on your promises and know that when we die, we are instantly in your holy presence.  All of those who have gone before us, beloved friends and family, are there waiting for us.  We know that death can not hold us because just as Jesus died and was resurrected, we too know that we also will be raised to eternal life.  There is such peace in knowing that there will be no more tears, no more sorrow, and no more pain.  What great and precious promises you have given us.  We know that nothing can ever separate us from your love.  No one or nothing can snatch us out of Your mighty hands.  Blessed Lord, please be with [name] in this time and with his/her family; to comfort, strengthen, and encourage them during the coming difficult days and times ahead.  We pray that Your tender mercies be upon [name] now.  I thank God for [name] and the faithfulness that he/she has shown in their life.  [name] has placed his/her trust and faith in You and we know that you will never leave [name] nor forsake him/her.  We thank you for your precious gift of salvation which came through the precious the blood of the lamb of God at supreme cost.  Our atonement was made possible by Him and has made us one with You.  We ask these things in the power, majesty, glorious, and most holy name of our Savior, King, Master, and Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Tip Number Four – Ask Them What They Need Help With

I ask them if they have any special considerations that I could help them with.  Is there something that you want to say or write down that I can tell others?  Is there something that I can do for you after you are gone?  What is it that I can help you with today?  If I give the eulogy and/or the memorial service, I ask them what they would like me to say.  What is it that you want me to tell others?  What special considerations for the service like music would you want included?  Does your family know of your wishes?

Tip Number Five- Talk About Heaven

I not only like to describe where their eternal destination will be like but what their final home will be like.  There are many biblical descriptions of what heaven will be like.  There are some from Isaiah and some from Revelation.  The glorious description of heaven is just too incredible to be told in words. Its total glory will only be revealed when we finally see it for ourselves.  All of our beloved family and friends will be there to greet us.  All of the heartaches and pains will be a thing of the past.  What a wonderful eternity this will be.  It is the final joy of our eternal inheritance.  Jesus said that He has reserved a place for us.  And of course we can fall into the arms of our Savior. We will fall as His feet and worship Him forever.  We have eternal life and this eternity with God will be so overwhelming that it can not be described.  What joy awaits us all some great day.

Your Ticket to Heaven

No one comes to the Father (and heaven) except through Jesus Christ (John 6:44).  There is no other way to gain eternal life than through the Son of God (Acts 4:12).  If you are not yet a believer in Jesus Christ, I pray that you will come to saving faith today.  Jesus says “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).  “I will in no way caste you out” (John 6:37).  Jesus says that, “You will never be snatched out of My hands nor our of My Father’s hands” (John 10:28-29).  If you will only believe in Me, you can have eternal life (John3:16).  That is my prayer for you this very day.

3 Tips to Make Your Work More Enjoyable

After spending 10 plus  years in hospice work and being a Chaplain for 18 I have learned a few things about healthcare workers:  they are usually exhausted, under-valued, and not paid well.  You show me someone who works hard everyday work day and I will point you to a healthcare worker.  For Sure  Yes !

Don't get me wrong.  I am NOT saying that engineers or railroad technicians don't put in a good days work.  I am NOT saying that teachers are slackers and those who work in accounting have "posh" jobs.  I am not even saying that pastors, clergy, and chaplains have it easy.  What I AM SAYING is that caregivers, healthcare workers, hospice and palliative care workers have demanding jobs with the added stress of "life being in their hands". 

So if you are a healthcare worker, if you take care of the elderly, disabled, work in the hospital, hospice, palliative care, ER, Intensive Care, or with rehabilitation- this one is for you!

3 Tips to Make Your Work More Enjoyable 

1.  Embrace your vulnerabilities.  Be human.  Or in other words, don't think for even a second that you are the savior; a hero.  You are a human life given a set of skills and compassion that add value to those who are in jeopardy of losing theirs .  When you find yourself at a loss with how to do something, admit it, get help, and stand by to learn.  Grow in your...

• communication
• learning how to deal with conflicts
• trusting your team
• listening to your own self
• experience your grief and bereavement

2.  Be your own patient (follow your own advice).  I once knew a nurse who would have wonderful counsel for families who were going through the perils of watching their loved ones pass from this life.  She had wonderful points to ponder, great advice on how to cope, spectacular self care discernment for others.  What she didn't have is the ability to put her own counsel into practice.  Don't be like this. 

Try this little exercise to examine whether you "put your money where your mouth is":  take a piece of paper and write down the things you find yourself saying to patients to help them. Things such as get enough protein, get a check up, follow up with your physician, exercise, wean yourself off of the pain medicine as you feel you can.  Once you have 10-15 items, go back and checkmark the ones you yourself follow.  Be ready to find yourself surprised at what spoken valuesare in comparison to practiced values in your life. 

3.  Sleep.  Yes, I said sleep.  You wouldn't believe how many healthcare workers do not get enough sleep and/or rest well.  Blame all kinds of things but the bottom line is care-givers don't get enough shut eye.  

Imagine if you were well rested-each day.  Imagine how much more comforting and patient you would be with yourself, others, and most importantly, your patients.  Imagine how much strength you would have.  Imagine your creative problem-solving skills if you were well rested.  Sleep.  More.  Take a nap, Get a sleep study done if you believe there are sleep issues in your life, hereditary concerns, or if your spouse or family tell you that they get concerned when you sleep because you may be stopping to breath .  Get some rest! 

Hey you medical staff!  Attention social workers, chaplains, and bereavement counselors!  Calling all EMT and Community service officers.  Shouting out to all the doctors... You do amazing work!  You go for the gusto for your patients!  Take yourself seriously and consider these words:  God Bless and Protect you for taking care of your patients.  Please take care of yourself!   

Prayer For Today.

Communications with the Funeral Providers !

Before making the commitment to a funeral home answering service, you should compare the different choices. For your answering service, you need call operators that supply compassion, detailed attention, respect, and urgency, so it’s essential to choose a service that encompasses these aspects as well as other necessary components. When comparing answering services for your funeral home, ask these questions to make sure the company is a good fit for you.

      1. How long have you been providing services for funeral directors?

You want a service that has experience providing phone answering services to funeral homes. The duties of a funeral director are unlike many others, and great attention has to be paid to how bereaving individuals are treated. They expect sympathy and knowledge, and experience is the best teacher. A company with years of positive experience in funeral home answering services will provide the quality you’re looking for.

    

  2. What training do your call specialists receive?

Training for answering phones correctly, providing and receiving the right information, and recording that information is essential. There is no room for error because your reputation is on the line; and a phone call, especially that initial contact, could be the breaking point for gaining a person or losing them. Expect transparency as to how the call specialists are prepared.

      3. What technology is in place and available to me?

As technology continues to advance, the funeral home answering service should be keeping up with it. You should know what they have in place to ensure that all calls are received. Find out what measures they have available, such as text messaging, call recording, live chat, back-up measures and more.

       4. What are your quality assurance measures?

Find out how calls are monitored. You should be able to listen to any calls they have taken and make suggestions or changes based on what fits you. Their standards should be in line with yours.

       5. What packages/prices are available and are they customizable?

Answering services should provide a variety of rate plans. They should also provide flexibility in those plans to fit your needs. Ask about how their services can be tailored to reflect your requirements.

Trusting a funeral home answering service with grieving families is an important decision. With these questions, you’ll be able to make an informed choice and pick the answering service that provides everything you would to families during a difficult time.

Mother's Day

I know Mother's Day is hard for many of my friends. Know that I love you and you are in my prayers with many healing hugs of care and concern for as ll at this most sensitive moment in history.

For a Total Healing of  heart, mind, and soul. 

A healing bereavement process . . .

Grieving is allowing yourself to feel all the emotions and pain of your loss—the anger, the loneliness, the despair, etc. Some people think if they start crying they’ll never stop, but they will stop because crying will help them heal. It may not feel like it in the moment, but crying is a cleansing process.

A healing bereavement process . . .
For me grief has been a process of allowing myself to feel the depths of my pain and then finding a way to get those emotions outside of my body. The feelings of pain that come with a loss are a natural part of being human. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel them, we deny them and stuff them down, where they fester in our unconscious. In grieving, we bring those emotions to the surface and allow ourselves to feel them.

A healthy bereavement process will then find safe ways to let the emotions out. Creativity has been a very helpful way to do this for many people. Journaling, music, photography, painting, scrapbook making can all be ways that allow us to name our experience and bring our emotions out of our bodies.

A therapist friend of mine told me that she was seeing a client whose husband had died. The client was working through her pain by making scrapbooks about her husband. The client had a teenage son who was having a very hard time dealing with his father’s death. My friend referred him to a male counselor who had also lost his father as a teenager.

Several months later my friend met up with this counselor, and she asked him how the teenage boy was doing. He said, “Oh, he is doing great—he took up scrapbooking too!” I am quite sure this teenager never imagined that he would one day be scrapbooking. And I never imagined that I would have a book of photography and poetry published either. But grief has a way of taking people places they never imagined.

Healthy bereavement is a series of choices. In the early stages a statement like that doesn’t make sense—your pain is not a choice. But for healing to happen choices are made to grieve and then choices are made to process all the messy emotions of grief and then more choices are made to move into a new sense of life and well-being. However, it is always important to remember that each person’s journey is unique, and their timetable is their own.

10 Ways to Create a Happy Moment

No, this isn’t meant to be a cure for depression, but we all deserve a good moment. A happy moment can both break a string of negative moods, and it can also pave the way for more positive moments. Here are ten suggestions for putting ourselves in a good mood:
1) Listen to, or watch something funny. Laughter has a way of completely wiping out a negative mood.
2) Compliment people you don’t know. It’s amazing how a bit of genuine positive energy towards others can in turn make us feels good, too.

3) Laugh at yourself. We all can have a way of taking ourselves too seriously, at times. Sometimes just poking a little fun at ourselves with a little perspective can lighten us up.
4) Regress. Remember what it’s like to be a child? Don’t just sadly reminisce of the past, do something that takes you back to your childhood. Ride the go-karts, play kick ball, do an art project, ride a scooter, go on a scavenger hunt, go on the swings, etc. Allow yourself to be an eight-year old in an adult body.
5) Hold a baby. Another of nature’s wonders. Somehow holding a baby — anyone’s baby (as long as you have the parents’ permission!) — can make things seem so simple. For a moment, it’s possible to forget our troubles and retreat to the innocence of infancy.
6) Create a playlist of happy songs. Whichever songs are happy for you, have the playlist ready to go for when you could use a boost. Try to include songs from various positive points in your life, if possible.
7) Spend time in nature. Granted, not everybody may love the outdoors, but removing oneself from the indoor environment into fresh air can lift our moods. Whether you prefer to be around mountains, trees, lakes, deserts, beaches, etc., find a place that can change the environment and bring you some peace.
8) Treat yourself. Be careful with this one, especially if you’re someone who habitually spends and shops. This is more for people who tend to live lives of restraint. The point of this isn’t to go on a spree, as much as it’s to treat yourself to something you usually wouldn’t. This could be something as simple as an ice cream sundae, or allowing yourself to do an activity you may not usually do. Occasionally allowing ourselves a little bit of freedom for a treat is necessary so we don’t collapse under the weight of restraint.
9) Take a bath (or spend time in a jacuzzi). This is a often a great mood changer, especially if coming from a state of stress or anger. A warm bath can draw the blood flow away from the head and distribute it throughout the body, leading to both physical and mental relaxation (also can be good for stress headache relief).
10) Create your own joke or limerick. While this could fit in with “regression”, this gets its own mention because if you can make yourself laugh, you’re having a happy moment. Feel free to get crude and childish with your joke or limerick. No one has to appreciate it but you.

After Divorce: 8 Tips for Reinventing Yourself

Everyone's divorce story is different. Maybe you had been married for decades, maybe just a year or so. Maybe you have children, maybe you don't. Maybe the divorce was your idea and maybe it was your partner's, or maybe you both agreed that separation was best. Maybe you're relieved, maybe you're heartbroken -- or a bit of both.

1. Let yourself mourn.

Nobody gets married thinking, "I sure hope we can get divorced someday!" Even if, by the time you split, the divorce was something you wanted, a divorce still represents a loss.

"Whatever your marriage and divorce experience has been, there will be emotions that have to do with grief" says psychotherapist Florence Falk, PhD, MSW, author of On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone.

"You may feel remorse for what you did or didn't do, or wonder what you did wrong. Don't dwell on those feelings, but make room for them," Falk says. "Loss is loss. There is an empty space where something once filled it up, even if that something may not have been desirable."

2. Work through your feelings.

Don't tote that heavy baggage from your previous relationship into your new life. Find a way to work through the lingering emotions from the demise of your marriage, advises psychologist Robert Alberti, PhD, co-author of Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends.

That may mean talking out your feelings with a therapist or focusing your energy in a healthy activity you enjoy. "It's common to sweep these emotions under the table, but you have to work through them or they'll pollute your life going forward," Alberti says.

If you find yourself resisting the idea of therapy, you might want to keep in mind that therapy doesn't mean you have a problem or that you're in crisis. It can be a way to work toward a better life, with someone who has no agenda but YOU.

3. Learn to like yourself.That may sound cheesy and New Age-y. But the fact is that many people feel a lot of self-rejection after a divorce.

"You might think that there must be something wrong with you if you couldn't make this relationship work," Alberti says. "You have to work on getting confidence and faith in yourself and ability to believe in your own worth."

This is also something you could pursue in therapy, or through Tip No. 4:

4. Rediscover who you used to be.

Especially if you were married for a long time, you may have given up a lot of the things you enjoyed as a single person because they didn't fit with your "couplehood."

Maybe you loved to go out, but your spouse was a homebody. Maybe you always loved going to the theater but your husband hated it.

"What were your hobbies and activities before the marriage? What did you defer in favor of the relationship?" Alberti asks. "Exercising your interest in those again is important to rebuilding yourself."

5. Discover a new side of yourself.

The life-changing period of divorce, though often difficult and unwelcome, holds a silver lining: to shake things up and try on a new lifestyle.

Maybe it's as simple as a pixie haircut after a lifetime of wearing long, flowing locks. Maybe it's trying a new sport, considering a different place of worship, or going back to college. Maybe you realize that you'd like to move to a new city or even spend a year living in Paris.

Of course, you can't just flit away and throw caution to the wind. Chances are, you have some very real considerations -- kids (if you're a parent), a job, and a budget (which may have been hurt by the divorce).

But chances also are that although you might not be able to do whatever your fantasy is, there may be other changes that ARE within your reach. So don't reject the idea of any change, just because you can't make every change.

"As long as the changes you make are healthy and constructive, these are very appropriate," says Alberti. "Think about who you want to be -- the person you were before the marriage, or maybe a new person? What are some of the things you can do differently?"

Look for changes you can say yes to, instead of dwelling on what's out of reach.

6. Dare to be alone.

Being alone doesn't mean being isolated and never seeing anyone. It just means not being coupled up, or in a rush to do so.

Society is much more accepting of singles than even a decade ago, when solo restaurant diners often got the hairy eyeball.

"There are more than 30 million people living alone in this country today," Falk says. "That's a lot of people, and there are a lot of opportunities for social connection. There are possibilities to pick up new friends and enter different kinds of groups that have to do with your interests. The social dimension after a divorce can be very rich."

7. Consider transitional relationships.

This isn't about rebounding. It's about considering dating (once you feel ready) outside your comfort zone -- someone who's not your type -- without thinking that it has to head toward a permanent relationship.

"For example, maybe you've always dated people from a certain socioeconomic background," Alberti says. "Or perhaps you always preferred sensitive musicians, or athletes, or the quiet, shy type. Turn your usual preferences inside out and stretch your dating horizons a bit."

8. Embrace your new roles.

Especially if you were coupled up for a long time, your partner probably handled certain aspects of life while you managed others. Now it's all up to you. And it's not likely to go perfectly, but that's OK.

"If your partner was always the one responsible for the money -- earning it, managing it, investing it -- suddenly you have a whole new realm of learning and responsibility," Alberti says. "Dealing with those can give you confidence in your own ability."

You don't have to figure it all out yourself. Look for help.

"Even if you make mistakes, like paying too much for a car, you can learn from that experience," Alberti says. "Mistakes give you life skills and teach you that you can handle being alone."

Prevention

Loneliness can hit at almost any time. When Amity Brown separated from her husband of 11 years, for instance, she felt -- understandably --  isolated and sad. "The hardest thing is not having someone with that deep emotional knowledge of me to catch me when I fall," says the 41-year-old photographer based in Oakland, Calif.

It's almost inevitable that losing a spouse or moving to a new town can make you feel lonely; but loneliness can strike even without major life changes. You can be alone without being lonely, or you can feel lonely in a crowd. True loneliness is simply a feeling of being disconnected from others; 5% to 7% of middle-aged and older adults report feeling intense or persistent loneliness.

Recommended Related to Mind, Body, Spirit

By Ellen Welty Yes, you love the woman, but her constant commentary on your haircut, housekeeping, and more is making you nuts. To get her to back off, read on.

"Loneliness is what you say it is. You can't tell somebody you shouldn't be lonely," says Louise Hawkley, PhD, senior research scientist with the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago.

Loneliness and Illness

Loneliness is not only emotionally painful; it can harm your health. It's a risk factor for a host of problems: high blood pressure; sleep problems; decreased ability to deal with the stress of daily life; and the body's reduced ability to handle inflammation, leading to conditions such as atherosclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and tendinitis, as well as a weakened immune system, so you're more susceptible to illness. Researchers have yet to identify the exact ways these health problems occur, but they know that loneliness seems to make them worse.

While many of these issues don't show up until middle age or later, the damage begins early, according to Hawkley. Small increases in stress chemicals released into the bloodstream can, over time, damage blood vessels all over the body.

Of course, some lonely times are inevitable in everyone's life, and you don't need to fear them. Think of loneliness as a thirst for companionship, one you can satisfy. Says Hawkley, "It's a feeling that, if it's doing its job, it gets you out there to sate that need to feel connected." 

The Loneliness Cure

Louise Hawkley, PhD, says we should think of loneliness not as a state but as a motivation to get social. Here's how:

Get out and about. You don't have to be best friends with someone to benefit from interaction. Amity Brown, who is separated from her husband, takes walks around her neighborhood, smiling at people she passes. "When I started getting to know the neighborhood and the people around me, I felt like part of a community," she says.

Be selective about making friends. Hawkley points out that if you're desperate for relationships, you may be willing to tolerate unacceptable treatment. Now that Brown is feeling more stable, she says, "I'm more careful when I choose my friends to make sure they're low-drama."

Stay positive. Lonely people tend to expect rejection, which makes it more likely to happen. Social cognitive therapy can help people reframe their thoughts about how others see them.

Never Forgotten !

 

In this Age where no one Is remembered for the examples, which were given to each of us in  assistance and care, love and nurturing. It is Time to Bring this Custom back to the front of our memories to be thankful for the growth and development that was provided into our lives. 

I am ever so grateful to those that gave a portion of their time to my growth and development over the years. 

I do continue to remember those who brought the extra care and understanding in my growth and development.  

Renew Your Strength !

A Gateway To Meaningful Connections ( Another Form of Bereavement)

After 50, adult children have likely moved away, and friends, neighbors, family members and colleagues retire, move, fall ill, or, through death or entropy, drop out of our lives. The troubling fact is that communities start to wane just when we need them the most.

And then there’s the big game changer: the change in marital status. It’s not just widowhood that speeds up the erosion of social networks.  Divorce rates among seniors are at an all-time high, and many people find that in the aftermath, joining a new community helps them build a new life that may be many times happier than the old one.

That was the experience of Julie Cotton, 65, of Sarasota, Florida.  “I’d been married my whole adult life,” she said.  “Now I’m divorced and on my own.  Many of the people I thought I could rely on disappeared.  So I’m actively building new communities around writing, lifelong learning, and volunteering, even a new professional career.” A bonus: “Some new, close friendships are beginning to emerge, too.”

Another major game changer is moving. Donnabelle Acree, an 89-year-old widow, also from Sarasota, found this out when she recently switched from an independent living facility to an assisted living facility run by a different organization.  “It’s as if I  moved to another city,” she said.  Except for the odd phone call or visit from the few friends who still have a car and can drive, Donnabelle left her previous residential and church communities behind, resulting in a big gap in her life.  Joining new communities isn’t easy, she admits, “but it’s what it takes if I don’t want to be isolated.”

Obviously, one of the most important components of a satisfying later life is community.

Community can take many forms.  It can be a workplace, a close-knit neighborhood, a house of worship, a social club or affinity group, a committee, or simply a clutch of friends who play cards together once a week.  For many people, especially the ones who don’t live near relatives—or if they don’t have any relatives at all—these communities can take the place of extended families. Communities are a source of connection and care, activities and amusement. They also provide meaning, activities, structure and support.

So how do you get the most from your communities?

Love Leaves A Memory

Best Friends to Care

Candle of Love

Pleasant Words

This Rose

This is a rose for Mother Josephina a "Mother of Examples and all others Mothers that provided good examples to their children.

Comfort Yourself.

1. Stretch your body.
Anxiety tends to hijack the body. While everyone stores anxiety in different spots, common areas are the jaw, hips and shoulders, according to Anna Guest-Jelley, a body empowerment educator, yoga teacher and founder of Curvy Yoga. She suggested standing up and doing a full-body stretch. “Reach your arms overhead then slowly fold forward [and] slowly open and close your mouth as you do.”
2.Take a shower.
Taking a shower after a rough day always makes Darlene Mininni, Ph.D, MPH, author of The Emotional Toolkit, feel better. And she’s certainly not alone. Now research is illuminating why cleansing may wash away our woes.
Mininni cited this interesting review, which notes “a growing body of research suggests…after people cleanse themselves, they feel less guilty about their past moral transgressions, less conflicted about recent decisions, and are less influenced by recent streaks of good or bad luck.”
3. Visualize a peaceful image.
The image you pick can be anything from the sun to ocean waves to a furry friend, Guest-Jelley said. She suggested combining the visualization with breath, and repeating the sequence several times. As you inhale and reach your arms out in front of you, hold the image in your mind, she said. Then exhale and bring both hands to your heart, all the while thinking of the image, she said.
4. Speak compassionately to yourself.
Being self-compassionate boosts mental health, Mininni said. (Some research even suggests that it helps you reach your goals.) This means extending yourself some kindness as you would to a good friend, she said.
Unfortunately, being self-compassionate doesn’t come naturally to many of us. Fortunately, you can learn to treat yourself with consideration and care. Here are some ideas on being kinder to yourself and cultivating self-compassion.
5. Reach out.
Reach out to people you trust to support you. “We are wired to connect with others and to comfort each other through emotional and physical connection,” said Julie Hanks, LCSW, a therapist and blogger at Psych Central.
6. Ground yourself.
When stress strikes, some people feel lightheaded or like they’re floating outside their bodies, Guest-Jelley said. Making a point to feel your feet against the ground can help, she said. “Grounding your feet can bring you back into your body and help you navigate what you want to do next,” she said. “Visualize thick roots growing down from your feet into the center of the Earth, rooting you and giving you a firm foundation.”
7. Listen to soothing music.
“Create a playlist of soothing songs that help you to slow down or connect with memories or positive experiences,” Hanks said. We’ve mentioned before the benefits of listening to calming music. Pairing soothing tunes with deep breathing helps, too, according to one study, which found it lowered blood pressure.
8. Practice mindfulness.
To practice mindfulness, “You don’t need to sit like a pretzel,” Mininni said. Simply focus on what you’re doing right now, whether that’s washing the dishes, walking to your car or sitting at your desk, she said. Pay attention to the sights, scents and sounds surrounding you, she said.
For instance, if you’re washing the dishes, focus on the scent of the soap and the hot water cascading from the faucet and onto your hands, she said.
Mininni applies mindfulness to her feelings. In the moment, she asks herself what her emotion feels like. Doing this actually allows her to detach from her feelings and thoughts and simply observe them as if she were watching a movie. This helps you get out of your head and into your body, she said.
9. Move your body.
According to Hanks, “If you’re feeling tempted to engage in self-destructive behavior to calm down, engage in something positive and active, like exercise or playing a physical game.”
10. Picture the positive.
When we’re anticipating a potentially stressful situation, we start thinking of all the different ways it can go wrong. Again, you can use visualization to your advantage. “To pull yourself out of [an] internal dramalogue, try imagining the situation going well,” Guest-Jelley said. “Feel what you want to feel in the moment and see yourself disengaging from tricky conversations [and] situations,” she said.
11. Zoom out.
Look at the situation or stressor from a bigger perspective, Hanks said. “When you’re in the moment, current challenges seem enormous, but placing your situation into the ‘bigger picture’ of your life may help you realize that you may not need to give it so much emotional energy,” she said.
For instance, she suggested asking yourself: “Will this matter in one year? In fie years? When I reach the end of my life, how important will this situation be in retrospect?”
12. Practice alternate nostril breathing.
Breathing techniques are an instant way to soothe your body. Taking deep, slow breaths tells your brain that everything is OK, which then calms the rest of the body. Guest-Jelley suggested going through this series:

• Using your dominant hand, “make a U-shape with your thumb and pointer finger.
• If you’re using your right hand, press your right thumb into your right nostril, gently closing it. Inhale through your left nostril.
• Next, press your right index finger against your left nostril, closing it, as you release your thumb from the right nostril – allowing yourself to exhale through the right nostril.
• Repeat by inhaling through the right nostril, then closing it and exhaling through the left nostril.
• Continue like this for at least 10 full breaths.”

13. Let yourself feel bad.
Remember that you don’t have to fix your feelings right away. It’s important to have a toolbox of healthy strategies to turn to at any time. But don’t feel guilty for feeling bad or fault yourself if you aren’t seeing rainbows and unicorns.
Mininni stressed the importance of giving yourself permission to acknowledge and honor your feelings and stay with them. “Sometimes it’s OK to just say I’m having a really crappy day,” she said.

Please Protect Our Loved Ones.

Yes Guardian Angels, please protect GP, and loved ones from all harm today and until the final analyst of life.
 

Kindly Reminder's

You just checked your voicemail and a reporter has the story. He wants you to call back immediately because this is big news. He needs a comment and is counting the minutes to your call.
You knew this was coming but your pulse is still racing. You have reviewed your crisis communications plan but your brain feels like you just mainlined three pots of coffee. Part of you wants to call back with your prepared statement while another side of you wants to hide. So what do you do? How do you get yourself under control when the moment arrives?
Take a Breath
Really. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Then another. Then another. Now open your eyes and focus on the task at hand.
Preparation
Remember, you knew this was coming. You have a folder filled with everything from statements and talking points to designated spokespeople and social media posts. Even if the specific crisis was unexpected you still have your crisis communications plan, right?
Research
Since you are a well rounded communications executive you have studied other crises in the news. You’ve seen companies turn a crisis into a win. Now it’s your turn.
Perspective
Don’t make your interactions with the media personal. It’s their job to dig and ask the questions they are asking. Step back and look at the problem from their point of view. Try looking at it from the point of view of the public as well. How will this news be presented and digested? Use these perspectives when considering the answers to each question.
Share The Load
Don’t think you have to do it yourself. In fact there are many staff members that need to know about this crisis ASAP. Your colleagues are also full of information that may help. Talk things through and bounce ideas around quickly if you are stuck.
Walk, Don’t Run
Don’t add to the crisis by making foolish mistakes. If you are too quick to respond you may overlook an approval you need or a question that needs to be asked internally.
Stay On Track
Stay focused and don’t let little fires steer you away from the main objective.
Trust In Your Skills
You were hired for a reason. Now is no time to second-guess your abilities. At the very least you will learn from every crisis you handle.
Visualize Success
Imagine the end of the crisis. What do you want the headlines to say? Now identify the steps you have to take to get there.
Be Open to Change
If you are inflexible you will be stressed trying too hard to keep things according to plan. A dialogue can shift focus easily as new facts are brought to light. While you want to stay on message you must be open to the evolution of a crisis.