6 Months or Less Diagnose for a Loved One.

Knowing how to offer comfort and support to a loved one who has a terminal illness can be challenging. What can you say or do? How can you help your loved one cope? How will you deal with your own grief? Get the facts about supporting a loved one who is terminally ill.My loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. How might our relationship change?Your relationship with your loved one might not necessarily change because he or she has a terminal illness. If you're concerned, try to build on your relationship's strengths. It's also important to be open to new possibilities. A loved one's terminal diagnosis might improve your relationship. Or unresolved conflicts might present new challenges.Remember that your loved one is still the same person and will still have the same needs and desires as he or she had before the terminal illness. Many people facing terminal illness want to be treated as normally as possible, without always focusing on the illness.How can I help my loved one cope with a terminal illness?Let your loved one know that you're willing to listen to his or her concerns — and never underestimate the value of your presence. Even if it feels as if you're not doing anything, your presence sends an important message. Don't, however, try to be a counselor.Is there a typical emotional process that a person who has a terminal illness experience?Dying isn't a science. Don't assume that a loved one who has a terminal illness is going to go through a methodical process of coming to terms with death. It might not happen that way.Acceptance or accommodation might be the most desirable outcome of the grieving process — learning to live as fully as possible while accepting the presence of a terminal illness.But does your loved one have to accept that he or she has a terminal illness? Does your loved one have to accept that he or she is going to die before he or she expected? No. There's no right or wrong way to come to terms with death.How do you help a loved one who's in denial about his or her impending death?Denial is an important coping mechanism. Your loved one might be in denial because the reality is too frightening, too overwhelming, or too much of a threat to his or her sense of control. A denial is a form of natural protection that can allow your loved one to let reality in bit by bit and continue living as he or she contemplates death.As long as denial isn't causing your loved one significant harm — such as causing him or her to seek out painful treatments of no therapeutic value — then denial isn't necessarily bad.Your loved one might be afraid of pain. Perhaps your loved one is afraid of losing control of his or her bodily functions, mind or autonomy. Your loved one might also fear failing family or become a burden to others.To provide emotional and spiritual support to your loved one, invite him or her to talk about his or her fears. Sometimes, however, it's easier for a dying person to share what he or she fears and explore it with someone other than a family member, such as a Bereavement Professional as Dr. Nicholas Losito, Ph.D.

Cultures have different ways of coping with death.

Grief felt for the loss of loved ones occurs in people of all ages and cultures. Different cultures, however, have different myths and mysteries about death that affect the attitudes, beliefs, and practices of the bereaved.

Individual, personal experiences of grief are similar in different cultures.

The ways in which people of all cultures feel grief personally are similar. This has been found to be true even though different cultures have different mourning ceremonies and traditions to express grief.

Cultural issues that affect people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one include rituals, beliefs, and roles.

Helping family members cope with the death of a loved one includes showing respect for the family's culture and the ways they honor the dead. The following questions may help caregivers learn what is needed by the person's culture:

What are the cultural rituals for coping with dying, the deceased person's body, and honoring the death?

What are the family's beliefs about what happens after death?

What does the family feel is a normal expression of grief and the acceptance of the loss?

What does the family consider the roles of each family member in handling the death?

Are certain types of death less acceptable (for example, suicide), or are certain types of death especially hard for that culture (for example, the death of a child)?

Death, grief, and mourning are normal life events. All cultures have practices that best meet their needs for dealing with death. Caregivers who understand the ways different cultures respond to death can help patients of these cultures work through their own normal grieving process.

When a friend is grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s easy to feel helpless. Sometimes we think we’re doing the right thing by trying to cheer them up, pointing out the positives or letting them know that they should try to move on. Well-intentioned as we may be, those efforts tend to put pressure on them and leave them feeling invalidated.

So here are eight ways to help you support your friend in times of need.

Let go of time expectations. The person grieving may struggle for longer than expected. If this happens, regardless of how frustrating or frightening it may be for you, let them grieve for however long they need, knowing you won’t judge them for it.

Recognize the stages of grief. Most people suffering a loss will go through these stages, often in no particular order and sometimes repeating stages: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. Each one is healthy and necessary. The more familiar you are with these stages, the better equipped you’ll be to support your friend.

Variables to grief. One person’s grief is never the same as another’s. Variables include the cause and length of death, the personal resiliency of the grieving person, what their previous experiences have been, how large their support network is and their relationship to the person lost. Be understanding of how this can change their experience of grief from your own or someone else you have known.

Resist telling them how strong they are. We are often inclined to praise the person who appears to be coping stoically with a loss. The problem is that we need to allow them to be human and vulnerable sometimes too. After all, there’s strength in letting out your emotions from time to time.

Offer the bereaved ways to memorialize. Funerals and memorial services work to give support and closure to the bereaved. We can also memorialize in other ways, like planting trees, writing letters or having remembrance gatherings.

Ask them what they need. It’s normal to feel you can guess what your friend needs based on what you might need in their position. Because we’re all different, it is best to ask them what it is that you can do for them. If they say “I don’t know” or “nothing,” resist the desire to walk away in your frustration or worry. Just offer your support in whatever way you can and let them know that you will be there when they think of something.

Continue to check in on them. At the time of a funeral, many people offer help and support to the grieving person. As the weeks and months pass everyone’s lives move forward and they generally forget to follow up on their offerings of help and support. Be the person who follows up. You don’t have to give all of your energy, but your caring will be appreciated and will provide untold comfort.

Reel In a Veteran From the Cold

Grief and Loss just steam from death of a family member. We can also experience they way we are treated from employment, living conditions, and how we are perceived from society.

I have provided assistance such a person from rude and crude ways from employer that pushed a much hidden agenda they had other employee providing observations to the senior staff regarding work and other non work related experience. From the very start the patient continuously suffered more from being thrown into a VASH project based housing in another city from where my patient resided.  VA did not provide safe, secure, and warm living conditions after the present administration took everything away from my patient.  While, VA continues” Not” think of the Veteran “Feelings and Thoughts” at all.

Since, the debacle occurred health has taken a toll on the patient with a few long term stays in the Medical Center.  I was the only one that made a visit to ensure proper treatments, care, and provided uplifting improved Self –Esteem.

We are requesting legal assistance  to enroll into the 501 3 (C) program to garner improved Financial Assistance for the Veteran "Hand Up." back into Society the Shadow Administration  imposed upon a Veteran.

We Implore you kind and generous care to provide items and services, which will slingshot my patient back into employment, Improved Living Conditions, along with a vehicle, which will provide transportation for employment with a quick evacuation,when employment is securely secured.    

We have set up an Bereavement Appeal at https://igg.me/at/aEJufQ5xizc  

Items which are currently requested for the Patient Birthday and Re-Entry Appeal

·         Dental and Vision Exams

·         Cardiologist Specialist

·         Retired Flag Officer act as  a Mentor

·         Employment

·         Improved Living Conditions in a Small Patriotic Town

·         Advanced Education

·         2008 Chevrolet Yukon  with trailer hitch

·         Long bed trailer

·         Heart Healthy Foods

·         10 W boots and shoots

·         Business Attire

·         Chevron Fuel Card

·          Laundry and dry cleaning services

·          Full Coverage  Auto Insurance for 1 year

On behalf of the Patient / Veteran, We Are Very Grateful For Your Support and Care. 

Happiness Is Real

There, I said it.

In order to understand this, let’s first establish some definitions.

Happiness is not a state of having. If this were so, happiness would be a result of what each of us were able to accumulate in life. It would be forever dependent on something other than the self, an externality capable of ceasing within time.

If such were true, happiness could also not mean a state of being. A state of being focuses on the ‘here and now:’ on life at a particular moment within the present. But not every moment in life ought to be happy: people get sick, relationships shatter, individuals experience trauma or lose a loved one.

Being unhappy (a lesser degree of happiness) isn’t the same thing as being sad (the opposite of happiness), and I would advocate a life with periodic unhappy moments over a life of sadness. If not a state of having (past) or a state of being (present), happiness, therefore, must be a state of becoming (future): a process of becoming happier than one is now.

When we think of happiness as a state of becoming, our lives become a process of continuous growth and effort in becoming more than whatever transpires at the current moment. Happiness is a choice to be different tomorrow than one is today.

Happiness is the state of becoming more than what we currently are. It isn’t about knowing every detail about every event at all times, but knowing that we are each placed in a situation because there is something that only we can offer therein. Happiness isn’t about accepting pain and suffering blindly, but picking ourselves up again because we know that our time on Earth isn’t over and that there’s still potential waiting for us to achieve.

A state of becoming means that we’re part of something much larger than ourselves. We connect our unique fragment to the larger, collective whole. And feeling wholesome means realizing that not only is happiness a process, but it is a shared journey of mutual support. We each offer something to repair our fragmented society.

When people ask me how they can live a meaningful life, my answer is usually the same: live life meaningfully. True meaning is personal and can only be decided by each individual. Lots of people use the “cup being half-empty/half-full” metaphor when trying to help others see more positivity in their lives, but I’d like to offer a different analogy.

There are two containers in life: a small cup and a large bottle. We can fill the cup to its maximum and the large bottle less than 3/4 of the way up while still collecting the same amounts of liquid. But, which container is more full?

While the cup is filled to capacity, the bottle still has room for more substance — still possessing that much more than the small cup will ever be able to hold. In life, it’s not how prestigious we are (how large our vessels are), but how much of our potential capacity we’re able to reach.

Being a happy person, and living a meaningful life, doesn’t necessarily mean being bigger or better than another, but rather being the biggest and best you can be.

When we try to be somebody else, we essentially try to fill a vessel, a capacity, that is not our own. Living a meaningful life means that we need to look into our psychological selves and see how best to utilize the vessels we’ve been given.

When I teach that happiness is a state of becoming, I mean that it’s a process of filling our own vessels and looking to maximize our own unique potentials. Some of us have more, and some of us have less, but each of us has a potential that only we can reach and actualize. We each have something unique that we can contribute to society at large.

Or perhaps better yet, think of society (or life in general) as one giant book in which we each contribute a chapter. We’ve written part of that narrative already in the years we’ve lived thus far, but can still make choices as to what we will write moving forward.

So, don’t try to be, or fill, someone else’s vessel — be and fill your own. Don’t look at what you’ve achieved to date — the substances you’ve filled your life with so far — but rather at how much more you’re capable of filling, at what you’re capable of becoming tomorrow. Potential is endless, but only reachable if you’re striving to meet the potential that belongs to you.

Be a REAL FRIEND !!!!

For many, the holidays are a joyful time of year. They get to spend time with family and friends. Some people like to give gifts, others like to receive them. Some do a little of both. There are parties and family gatherings.
But for some, the holidays are very tough. There is a lot of stress – to find the perfect gift, to even afford gifts! Some parents get depressed because they cannot afford to offer the kind of Christmas to their children that they would like to. It can be an especially depressing time of the year for the elderly.  They may be plagued by loneliness and isolation. Many have lost spouses and remembering those that have passed away makes the holidays even harder to bear. And with shorter, darker days this time of year, some people experience more depression.
So how can you help someone who may be depressed during the holidays?
1. Give them some of your time
Sometimes the best present is your presence. Spend the night at your grandma’s house. Hand out candy canes at an assisted living center. Bring some funny movies and popcorn over to a friend’s house for the afternoon. You don’t necessarily have to make grand gestures, just spend a little of your time with them.
2. Get them out of the house
Maybe it is just a trip to the local coffee shop, but getting them outside of their home can give a depressed person something to look forward to. Take your friend who can’t afford to fly home for the holidays out to dinner. Bundle up and meet them for a walk. The exercise, crisp air and company will do wonders for their mood.
3. Send them a card
Personally, I am a huge fan of greeting cards. I tend to make a lot of them myself and send them throughout the year to friends and family because isn’t it nice to get something other than bills in the mailbox? A holiday card let’s them know that you are thinking of them and it is something they can hold onto, something that reminds them every time they look at it that they are important to someone.
4. Volunteer to help
When I am depressed I can barely get out of bed, let alone think of going shopping. Take on the task of helping a depressed person by picking up things they need – be it groceries or their prescriptions. I’m not asking you to pay for these things, merely do the leg work. It will be so appreciated.
5. Be patient
Don’t expect miracles. Doing any of these things or more isn’t likely to “snap them out of their depression.” Depression just isn’t something you “snap out of.” But these things will help. And, in time, their mood will lift, as mine always does. Don’t get fed up with them for their lack of enthusiasm or holiday spirit. Recognize that depression is real and intensely dark. Let your goal be to simply shine a little light.

GRIEF NEVER ENDS ....

Befriend the Children !

A child was standing barefoot in front of a shoe store shivering. A lady came up and said: "My little friend what are you looking so earnestly in that window?"....

He replied: "I'm asking God to give me a pair of shoes."

The lady took him by the hand and led him into the store and asked an employee half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy and a pair of shoes. He asked if I could lend a tub of water and a towel and took the child to the back of the store. With love began to wash the feet of the child and wiped, then I put on socks and shoes. She patted him on the head and said "No doubt little friend that you feel more comfortable now".

As she turned around to leave, the child very happy, reached out and took her hand, looking at her with tears in his eyes asked: "Are you God's wife?. Mrs. replied:" No, but If I am a servant of God and all that you ask of heart, he will give it. "

Dear friends, imagine what the world would be different if we all had such acts as beautiful as love and generosity of Mrs.?. Would you do that?