Even though the loved one you've been caring for is still alive, you may have already started feeling the weight and pain of their loss.
While some people might think of this as a type of depression, it's really a distinct form of grieving. And it's also a natural, expected response to caring for someone with a long-term or incurable illness.
This kind of grief can hurt as much as what you feel when a loved one dies. Sometimes, it may make the loss after death easier, but not always.
It's real. You can't ignore it and hope to just power through. So allow yourself to process the grief and appreciate the time you have left.
What Is Anticipatory Grief?
Unlike the grief and mourning that happen after someone has passed away, this "anticipatory grief" begins before the person has died. But the emotions can be similar.
When someone has a disease, injury, or condition that permanently changes their personality, like Alzheimer's, the grief may come as it sinks in that your loved one, as you knew them, will be "gone" even before they're gone.
You might have anxiety, dread, or sadness as you wait for their passing.
You could also feel a sense of loss and longing for your independence and freedom as your own life changes because much of your time and energy is now going to someone who needs you. And that can also lead to guilt.
Anger, bitterness, even resentment are common feelings, too, as you're forced to come to terms with the fact that you can't change the outcome.It's important to remember that all of these feelings are normal in such a difficult situation. And often, primary caregivers -- those whose take on the daily responsibility for someone's well-being  -- feel a piece of this loss each day, more deeply and in a way that others in their lives probably don't.
Be Honest About Your Feelings Whether it's a support group, a counselor, a good friend, or within the privacy of a journal, sharing what you're going through can ease those moments when you're sad, powerless, and tired. Your loved one may be dealing with their own grief, and you might find comfort together.
It's OK to cry or admit that you're angry or frustrated. These are helpful ways to keep pent up emotions from turning into resentment toward the person you care for or from taking a toll on your health.

14 Things You Should (and Should Not) Say to Widows and Widowers

Do you know someone whose spouse has died?

Have you ever wondered what to say to him or her?

If so, you are not alone. We live in a society where death and grief are off limits topics; so most people were never taught what to say to the widowed. Even worse, most people were taught that sad feelings should be avoided at all costs. When they come across someone whose spouse has died they try to find a positive spin, fix them, or offer advice that doesn’t work.

Did you know that 85% of things people say to the widowed are not helpful?

Recovery from grief involves healing a broken heart, not a broken brain. The more often people attempt to fix widows and widowers with intellectual comments and advice the more isolated they feel. They might even start to think something is wrong with them because they are still grieving.

Here are 11 things not to say to a widow or widower:

• Be grateful for the time you were married

• You’re still young. You can always remarry

• You must stay strong for your children

• Don’t feel bad, your husband is no longer in pain (if he died of an illness)

• Your wife wouldn’t want you to be sad. She’d want you to celebrate her life

• Everything happens for a reason

• This might be a good time for you to get a new pet or take up a new hobby

• Make sure you donate all your husbands’ stuff to charity. You don’t need any reminders of him

• Make sure you don’t throw away any of your wife’s stuff. You will regret it.

• It just takes time

• I know what you’re going through (then start talking about your own loss)

Although some of these statements might be intellectually true, they are aimed at the head, not the heart, so won’t help someone who lost his or her life partner feel any better.

Try saying these helpful things to a widow or widower instead:

• What happened?

Ask what happened then actually listen to their reply. Widows and widowers need and want to be listened to. The most loving thing you can do for them is to listen to them without judgment, comparison, or trying to fix them

• I don’t know what to say

It’s okay to tell the truth if you don’t know what to say. Your honesty allows the widowed to know you are a safe person to talk to because they’ll know you aren’t trying to fix them.

• I can’t image how you feel No two relationships are the same because they are comprised of two different people. So even if you’ve had a spouse die you could never know exactly how another widow or widower feels. At best you only how you felt when your loss occurred.

Have you experienced some of these comments following the loss of your spouse? Are there any comments that you would like to add that you found to be hurtful or helpful?