6 Months or Less Diagnose for a Loved One.

Knowing how to offer comfort and support to a loved one who has a terminal illness can be challenging. What can you say or do? How can you help your loved one cope? How will you deal with your own grief? Get the facts about supporting a loved one who is terminally ill.My loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. How might our relationship change?Your relationship with your loved one might not necessarily change because he or she has a terminal illness. If you're concerned, try to build on your relationship's strengths. It's also important to be open to new possibilities. A loved one's terminal diagnosis might improve your relationship. Or unresolved conflicts might present new challenges.Remember that your loved one is still the same person and will still have the same needs and desires as he or she had before the terminal illness. Many people facing terminal illness want to be treated as normally as possible, without always focusing on the illness.How can I help my loved one cope with a terminal illness?Let your loved one know that you're willing to listen to his or her concerns — and never underestimate the value of your presence. Even if it feels as if you're not doing anything, your presence sends an important message. Don't, however, try to be a counselor.Is there a typical emotional process that a person who has a terminal illness experience?Dying isn't a science. Don't assume that a loved one who has a terminal illness is going to go through a methodical process of coming to terms with death. It might not happen that way.Acceptance or accommodation might be the most desirable outcome of the grieving process — learning to live as fully as possible while accepting the presence of a terminal illness.But does your loved one have to accept that he or she has a terminal illness? Does your loved one have to accept that he or she is going to die before he or she expected? No. There's no right or wrong way to come to terms with death.How do you help a loved one who's in denial about his or her impending death?Denial is an important coping mechanism. Your loved one might be in denial because the reality is too frightening, too overwhelming, or too much of a threat to his or her sense of control. A denial is a form of natural protection that can allow your loved one to let reality in bit by bit and continue living as he or she contemplates death.As long as denial isn't causing your loved one significant harm — such as causing him or her to seek out painful treatments of no therapeutic value — then denial isn't necessarily bad.Your loved one might be afraid of pain. Perhaps your loved one is afraid of losing control of his or her bodily functions, mind or autonomy. Your loved one might also fear failing family or become a burden to others.To provide emotional and spiritual support to your loved one, invite him or her to talk about his or her fears. Sometimes, however, it's easier for a dying person to share what he or she fears and explore it with someone other than a family member, such as a Bereavement Professional as Dr. Nicholas Losito, Ph.D.

Compassion Fatigue

Every career path has its stressors and can cause burnout, but for funeral directors, burnout and

 stress are more prevalent. Funeral director burnout, commonly known as compassion fatigue, can happen to even the most dedicated individuals. Whether you’ve been helping families bury their loved ones for many years or have just started, it’s important to find ways to keep stress at bay and reduce your chances of burnout/compassion fatigue.

Compassion Fatigue

So what exactly is compassion fatigue? It is known as funeral director fatigue syndrome by some, and is the more medical or formal term for burnout. It can be characterized by these symptoms:

• Isolation
• Irritability & impatience
• Energy loss & exhaustion
• Depression & physical complaints
• Detachment & cynicism

Battling Compassion Fatigue

How do you combat burnout? First, take time for you. In any high-stress situation, neglecting yourself over a long period of time to give to others will eventually take a toll on you. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, including diet, rest, and exercise will go a long way toward keeping equilibrium in your life.

Make your time off count. In a family-run funeral home, the atmosphere is generally more laid back. If you’re not busy and your family is nearby, take a little break to spend time with them, like a few minutes hiking/walking and enjoying the outdoors, or a mini-date with your spouse. The little things you make time for will keep you grounded and balanced with work/family life.

Set some boundaries for work. Funeral directors have been expected to be in a 24/7 on-call position for years, but with technological advances, it’s easier to pull away a little and still ensure your responsibilities are handled without losing the personal touch you’re accustomed to giving. Call answering services, remains removal services, and paperwork and filing assistance are a few of the services available to funeral directors. You’ll gain more time away from the funeral home and can handle some situations remotely, making it easier to take a vacation or rest at home.

No matter how long you have been a funeral director, the stress can get to you and cause burnout. In order to reduce your chances of experiencing compassion fatigue, review some of these stress-inhibiting actions that can do a great deal to keep burnout from taking over and ruining your happy life or cause you to rethink your choice as a funeral director.

Candle of Love

In Loving Memory of the Children Who Died 12/14/12