Handling Grief and Bereavement

Most caregivers who lose a loved one will experience a normal sense of grief and bereavement. Normal, though, does not mean free of emotional, physical, and spiritual pain. Here are things you can do to help with those feelings:  Know the triggers. The first year will have many emotional triggers: first birthday without the loved one, the first Thanksgiving, the anniversary of the death. When these "firsts" occur, the waves of grief can come crashing back.Know your priorities. It's important to maintain friendships, routines, activities, and other things that nourish you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.Plan for the unexpected. One way to do this is to think about and rehearse your responses to the questions others might ask. Doing so can keep you from being blindsided.Don't bottle things up. Talk to the palliative care social worker, counselor, advance practice nurse, and physician. Talking about things helps you acknowledge your feelings and enables you to say good-bye and find emotional closure.Don't try to do it alone. Before your loved one is gone, make sure you've put together a support system made up of people you can count on to be there, lean on for support, and depend on for help with chores and other things that need to be done.Don't make big changes. During the first year avoid doing things that will mean a major change in your life. Don't move, don't get divorced, don't cut off communication with people you are close to. Experts say you will be a different person as time passes.Take care of your health. That doesn't just mean eat well, get a good night's sleep, and exercise. It means doing things that ensure emotional and spiritual well-being, too.Don't isolate yourself. Loneliness breeds loneliness. Don't turn down invitations, even though going out may be the last thing you want to do.Deal with anger. Anger is self-perpetuating and can snowball. Grief counseling can help you understand and deal with the anger you feel.Keep the faith. Religion won't "fix" things, experts say. But it can help normalize them. And belonging to a faith group means you have a community for support.Take up new activities. New activities help you form new patterns of doing things and new interests that are not associated with the person who has died.Make humor part of your coping routine. Humor can help provide perspective on the way your life is changing.

What do you Say at the hour of Death

What do you say to a person that is dying?  What about someone who is dying without Christ?  What I would say to a person who is dying in the faith of Jesus Christ is quite different than what I would say to a person that is dying and does not believe in Him.  My first thought of someone who is dying without Jesus Christ is that they will be forever separated from God with no second chance of reconciliation.  That the person who dies without Christ will be cut off from God for eternity is something that rends my heart.  I have had experiences with both.

What to Say to a Person Dying Without Christ?

I would ask them if they have ever heard about Jesus.  What do they think about Him?  Do they believe in God?  What do they believe will happen to them after they die?  Where would a person spend eternity after death?  These are sobering questions that are very serious.  I would never shy away from asking a person who may not have long to live these questions.  There eternal destiny is at stake.  The fact is that no one who is without Christ has any guarantee that they will live beyond tonight.  They could die in their sleep.  They could die tomorrow in an accident.  I certainly would hope that they would not but the Bible says that there is a day of judgment coming.  Whether they believe it or not does not change the reality of this fact.

Hebrews 9:27 actually says that we have a day that God has appointed for us to die, saying “And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment.”  God has actually given each human being a set number of days to live.  Psalm 139:16 makes this clear, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Ecclesiastes 3:2a clearly indicates that there is “a time to be born and a time to die.”

The only thing that you can say to someone who does not know Christ and is dying is to reveal to them that they will spend eternity somewhere.  You can tell them that if they have lost any loved ones who were believers, they are now safely in the bosom of Jesus.  This is nothing more certain than death and nothing more sure than Jesus Christ’s free offer of salvation through belief in Him.  He came to earth to live a perfect life, leaving His glory in heaven.  He came to have God place His holy wrath on Him in our place so that we might be able to spend eternity with Him.  That is His desire.  God keeps His promises and if you believe in Him, He will never leave you nor forsake you even after death (Heb 13:5).   Second Peter 3:9 reveals that “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”  Knowing that He doesn’t want anyone to perish without Him, if you will place your trust in Him, He will give you saving faith.

Here is all that is involved.

“If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Rom 10:9).

“Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household” (Acts 16:31).

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

How to Pray With the Dying: 5 Helpful Tips

Tip Number One- Read and Quote The Bible

The Scriptures above are great to read again and to ensure them that since they believe in Him and all the promises that Jesus has made, then they have no worries after the die.  You will most likely have to read them back to them but they may want to do this themselves.  Leave it up to them, even if this means that they don’t want them read back to them.  Respect their rights.  Do as they say.  If they profess these beliefs, then we can know that they already have eternal life.  John 6:54 says “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood (become a believer and participated in Communion) has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.”  Of course if they haven’t had a chance to be baptized or to have Communion, I try to reassure them that God is faithful and will not suffer us to remain in the grave if we believe in Him (John 3:16).  There is real power in the Word of God so I try to use this power.  In fact, the verses above contain the very power of God.  The power is actually in the gospel as Paul says in Romans 1:16b, “because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.”

Tip Number Two- Comfort Them

I have experienced this situation and it is such an amazing thing being with a saint that is near death and with their having the full assurance of faith in Christ.  This is somewhat easier in the sense that you can provide comfort with the surety of God’s promises from His inerrant Word.  It is always good to have a person reaffirm their beliefs.  The certainty of the promises of God can provide peace and comfort knowing that those who die in Christ will be absent from the body but will be present with the Lord (2 Cor 5:8).

Tip Number Three- Pray With Them

Pray with them.  For me, I have been moved to tears…and that’s okay.  It is completely natural. They may cry as well.  There is healing in tears.  It is highly likely that they have endured great suffering up to this point and that great day with the Lord is something to eagerly anticipate.

Now this is just my own personal preference and of course, you can use your own methods and words, but I love praying back some of God’s promises.  You may have special verses or a prayer from the Bible that you use, but I love using the Word of God in prayer because God loves it when we pray back His promises. The Psalms for example are full of hope-filled assurances that we can count on.  So here is my own personal prayer using Scriptures that I love but I don‘t include chapter and verse:

“Oh Righteous Father, we know our days are numbered in your book of life and that precious in your sight are the death of your saints.  We are so thankful that we can stand on your promises and know that when we die, we are instantly in your holy presence.  All of those who have gone before us, beloved friends and family, are there waiting for us.  We know that death can not hold us because just as Jesus died and was resurrected, we too know that we also will be raised to eternal life.  There is such peace in knowing that there will be no more tears, no more sorrow, and no more pain.  What great and precious promises you have given us.  We know that nothing can ever separate us from your love.  No one or nothing can snatch us out of Your mighty hands.  Blessed Lord, please be with [name] in this time and with his/her family; to comfort, strengthen, and encourage them during the coming difficult days and times ahead.  We pray that Your tender mercies be upon [name] now.  I thank God for [name] and the faithfulness that he/she has shown in their life.  [name] has placed his/her trust and faith in You and we know that you will never leave [name] nor forsake him/her.  We thank you for your precious gift of salvation which came through the precious the blood of the lamb of God at supreme cost.  Our atonement was made possible by Him and has made us one with You.  We ask these things in the power, majesty, glorious, and most holy name of our Savior, King, Master, and Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Tip Number Four – Ask Them What They Need Help With

I ask them if they have any special considerations that I could help them with.  Is there something that you want to say or write down that I can tell others?  Is there something that I can do for you after you are gone?  What is it that I can help you with today?  If I give the eulogy and/or the memorial service, I ask them what they would like me to say.  What is it that you want me to tell others?  What special considerations for the service like music would you want included?  Does your family know of your wishes?

Tip Number Five- Talk About Heaven

I not only like to describe where their eternal destination will be like but what their final home will be like.  There are many biblical descriptions of what heaven will be like.  There are some from Isaiah and some from Revelation.  The glorious description of heaven is just too incredible to be told in words. Its total glory will only be revealed when we finally see it for ourselves.  All of our beloved family and friends will be there to greet us.  All of the heartaches and pains will be a thing of the past.  What a wonderful eternity this will be.  It is the final joy of our eternal inheritance.  Jesus said that He has reserved a place for us.  And of course we can fall into the arms of our Savior. We will fall as His feet and worship Him forever.  We have eternal life and this eternity with God will be so overwhelming that it can not be described.  What joy awaits us all some great day.

Your Ticket to Heaven

No one comes to the Father (and heaven) except through Jesus Christ (John 6:44).  There is no other way to gain eternal life than through the Son of God (Acts 4:12).  If you are not yet a believer in Jesus Christ, I pray that you will come to saving faith today.  Jesus says “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).  “I will in no way caste you out” (John 6:37).  Jesus says that, “You will never be snatched out of My hands nor our of My Father’s hands” (John 10:28-29).  If you will only believe in Me, you can have eternal life (John3:16).  That is my prayer for you this very day.

Prop-long Treatments

Prolonged grief is a mental illness that affects the patient physically, mentally and socially. As the disease progresses, the individual is at risk for developing a variety of complications that range from mild to severe.

As grief continues to linger, patients are more likely to slide into a deep, profound depression. They have no motivation to perform any task and would rather not interact with the people around them. In the worst cases of depression, the bereaved individual will turn to thoughts of suicide.Without treatment, truly depressed individuals are at a high risk for attempting to kill themselves.

Prolonged grief places a great amount of stress and tension on the affected person. High levels of stress can cause physical illness, the Mayo Clinic warns. Patients suffering from prolonged grief are more likely to suffer from high blood pressure and heart disease. Cancer rates are also elevated in people who suffered from complicated grief.

Unbearable grief often drives people to substance abuse. At first, they turn to mild substances such as alcohol or nicotine but as the grief lingers, patients graduate to more powerful substances like heroin or cocaine. Initially, the individual may turn to substance abuse to alleviate the symptoms of grief; however, over time, they will become addicted to the substance. Addiction to an illicit substance is a whole other disease that brings its own set of complications and usually exacerbates the effects of a grief disorder.

The most telling complication of prolonged grief disorder (PGD) is the inability to deal with daily living. Even the most mundane chores seem daunting to someone suffering from PGD. They will need care and monitoring from a dedicated caregiver. If the grief is not treated, patients will slowly deteriorate physically and psychologically.

The disease also adversely affects the friends and relatives of a person suffering from PGD. They often feel hurt and helpless when they are unable to help their loved one. Some people react with anger or frustration. In most cases, complicated grief places a massive burden on all of the patient’s relationships. Prompt, comprehensive treatment helps prevent any long-term damage to the patient’s interpersonal connections.

Treatment

There Is No Set Treatment Modaity that works in  every case of prolonged grief disorder. Most Medical Professional will design a Treatment Plan that Best Suits the Patient's Specific Symptoms and Life Situation.

The pharmacological options for complicated grief have yet to be established. Antidepressants are the most often used medications as they help patients deal with the symptoms of grief-associated depression. In most cases, pharmacological treatment is secondary to psychotherapy.The best treatment plans use a mix of psychotherapy and medications. In psychotherapy, therapists guide the patient into the basis and foundation of their grief. Patients are encouraged to explore their reaction to grief, their symptoms and their personal goals. An article in Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy recommends that therapists attempt to redirect the patient’s goals from inward-directed goals (making themselves feel better) to outward-directed goals (goals related to outside events). Therapy should provide the patient with coping mechanisms that reduce feelings of blame and grief.

Interventions

While in the midst their grief, most people are unable to even consider treatment. The longer the grief lasts, the less likely they are to seek treatment for their depression. If left alone, people with prolonged grief are likely to suffer severe complications.

Luckily, most grief-stricken individuals are surrounded by friends and relatives who are willingly to support and help them. Most relatives will recognize the symptoms of prolonged grief disorder and suggest the subject seek medical help. This is usually enough, but in some cases, the patient is resistant to treatment. They may believe that their grief is normal, that they deserve to suffer or that the grief is the best way to hold on to what initially caused the grief.

Overcoming this resistance is usually too difficult for most families. Therefore, instead of approaching the patient on their own, families will employ a professional interventionist and stage an intervention. During the intervention, the team is able to vocalize the numerous adverse effects the prolonged grief has caused. Ideally, the patient will then consider the presented information and agree to undergo treatment.

If you have any questions about interventions, or would like help staging an intervention for your grief-stricken loved one, contact Dr. Losito today. Dr. Losito Is here to help.

Seek the Bereavement Counselor

How does a young child recover from the loss of a Father or Mother. In most case a young child does not and then goes into an adult full of abandonment, lack of parenting, Drug and Alcohol uses, and most case become homeless in the end. 

Dr. Nicholas Losito, Ph.D,CTS is there to provide Pre-Anticipatory losses and Prepare the young child from ever becoming lost, forgotten, and prepare them for Success.  

Do Not Grieve Alone

The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grieving. Sharing your loss makes the burden of grief easier to carry. Wherever the support comes from, accept it and do not grieve alone. Contact Dr. Losito an excellent and experienced grief and loss therapist.

Finding support after a loss

• Turn to friends and family members – Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need—whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.
• Draw comfort from your faith – If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you—such as praying, meditating, or going to church—can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.
• Join a support group – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.
• Talk to Dr. Losito – If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a Dr. Losito a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling.  He is an experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.

Identifying Negative Thought Patterns

As we are in the second week advent. Let us all work on becoming better with our thoughts for the Birth of Christ fast approaching the us in 15 days.  When in doubt please contact your local mental health provider and or call Dr. Nicholas at 877 867 8556 during the Emergency Room moment.  

Most of all let us rely on Christ our God for the most informable healing and guidance during the of His Birth. 

Notice if you have any of the following negative thoughts about yourself or others. Then identify when these negative thoughts come up most often; particular places, people, or events may be associated with them.

Do you…

1. Reject yourself or others’ ideas or experiences? Say “no” more than “yes”?
2. Criticize yourself or others about thoughts and choices made?
3. Blame yourself or others for your current situation? Do you take responsibility for your current mindset and where you are in your life?
4. Cling to your point of view? Find it hard to see the other side of the story?
5. Cause Conflicts and find that in a disagreement you continue to raise the conflict or bring up more issues that leave things messier than when you started? Are you unable to “let it go”?
6. Resent by being unwilling to forgive yourself or another; get stuck in how it “should be” rather than what it is?
7. Jump the gun and future trip about what negative events will occur or predict that you or someone else will fail?
8. Judge by casting judgement or blame on others, discounting your role in things and/or making unrealistic expectations for yourself or another?

A Poem: I Miss YOU.

In this moment in time as the Holy Days draws closer. I find that many are yearning for loved ones and dear friends to continue to be around in a physical way. Unfortunately, they can not be near in a physical way, but can be with them in a very soothing  way in the spiritual realms. 

The Important Factor is our loved ones are with each one of us in a way we all can remember, while they were still among the living and with us. 

Continue to keep each one of your loved one close near your heart, mind, and souls during the Holy Days that will bring us the gift of life and draw happiness with us that our loved ones are interceding for each one of during the days, which do not provide happiness and care. 

Here are a few of my dear loved ones that I continue to remember during the times life does not collaborate for me.

Pop, Little Pop & Nonna Fannie, Zia Rosa, Zio Felix, Zio Michelangelo, Mother Josephina, Cardinal John, Father Andrew,  Father Romalo, and Ed and Marge.

These were the Ancient Ones, who provided care, love, and direction in my life to become the man I am today.

I continue to ask for their Intercessions during the Holy Days of Christmas. I am sure you have loved ones that you continue to ask assistance through daily intercessions to provide each one of you a sense of comfort and joy in all of your daily ways of life. 

Of Course; all of you are encouraged to contact Dr. Nicholas, when there is a fine tuning required.

Never Forgotten !

 

In this Age where no one Is remembered for the examples, which were given to each of us in  assistance and care, love and nurturing. It is Time to Bring this Custom back to the front of our memories to be thankful for the growth and development that was provided into our lives. 

I am ever so grateful to those that gave a portion of their time to my growth and development over the years. 

I do continue to remember those who brought the extra care and understanding in my growth and development.  

A Pre Bereavement Prayer

Three Very Beautiful Prayers Start with the Our Father
 
Which are very useful to a dying person, and should be prayed often as an act of mercy.
There once was a Pope in Rome who was surrounded by many sins.  The Lord God struck him with a fatal illness.  When he saw that he was dying he summoned Cardinals, Bishops and learned persons and said to them:  “My dear friends! What comfort can you give me now that I must die, and when I deserve eternal damnation for my sins?”  No one answered him.  One of them, a pious curate named John, said: “Father, why do you doubt the Mercy of God?”  The Pope replied: “What comfort can you give me now that I must die and fear that I’ll be damned for my sins?” John replied:  “I’ll read three prayers over you; I hope, you’ll be comforted and that you’ll obtain Mercy from God.”  The Pope was unable to say more.  The curate and all those present knelt and said an Our Father, then the following prayers:
 
Prayer 1.
Lord Jesus Christ!  Thou Son of God and Son of the Virgin Mary, God and Man, Thou who in fear sweated blood for us on the Mount of Olives in order to bring peace, and to offer Thy Most Holy Death to God Thy Heavenly Father for the salvation of this dying person…  If it be, however, that by his sins he merits eternal damnation, then may it be deflected from him.  This, O Eternal Father through Our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Dear Son, Who liveth and reigneth in union with The Holy Spirit now and forever.  Amen.
 
Prayer 2.
Lord Jesus Christ!  Thou who meekly died on the trunk of the Cross for us, submitting Thy Will completely to Thy Heavenly Father in order to bring peace and to offer Thy most Holy Death to Thy Heavenly Father in order to free…(this person)…and to hide from him what he has earned with his sins; grant this O Eternal Father!  Through Our Lord Jesus Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth with Thee in union with the Holy Spirit now and forever.  Amen.
 
Prayer 3.
Lord Jesus Christ!  Thou Who remained silent to speak through the mouths of the Prophets;  I have drawn Thee to me through Eternal Love, which love drew Thee from Heaven into the body of the Virgin, which love drew Thee from the body of the Virgin into the valley of this needful world, which Love kept Thee 33 years in this world, and as a sign of Great Love, Thou hast given Thy drink, as a sign of great love, Thou has consented to be a prisoner and to be led from one judge to another and as a sign of great love Thou has consented to be condemned to death, and hast consented to die and to be buried and truly rise, and appeared to Thy Holy Mother and all the Holy Apostles, and as a sign of great love Thou hast ascended, under Thy own strength and power, and sitteth at the right hand of God Thy heavenly Father, and Thou has sent Thy Holy Spirit into the heart of Thy Apostles and the hearts of all who hope and believe in Thee.  Through Thy sign of Eternal love, open heaven today and take this dying person… and all his sins into the realm of Thy Heavenly Father, that he may reign with Thee now and forever.  Amen.
 
Meanwhile the Pope died.  The curate persevered to the third hour, then the Pope appeared to him in body and comforting him; his countenance as brilliant as the sun, his clothes as white as snow, and he said:  “My dear brother!  Whereas I was supposed to be a child of damnation I’ve become a child of happiness.  As you recited the first prayer many of my sins fell from me as rain from Heaven, and as you recited the second Prayer I was purified, as a goldsmith purifies gold in a hot fire.  I was still further purified as you recited the third prayer.  Then I saw Heaven open and the Lord Jesus standing on the Right Hand of God the Father who said to me:  “Come, all thy sins are forgiven thee, you’ll be and remain in the realm of My Father forever.  Amen!”
 
With these words my soul separated from my body and the angels of God led it to Eternal Joy.
As the curate heard this he said: “O Holy Father! I can’t tell these things to anyone, for they won’t believe me.”  Then the Pope said: “Truly I tell thee, the Angel of God stands with me and has written the prayers in letters of gold for the consolement of all sinners.  If a person had committed all the sins in the world, but that the three prayers shall have been read (over him) at his end (death), all his sins wil be forgiven him, even though his soul was supposed to suffer until the Last Judgement, it will be redeemed (freed).
The person who hears them read, he won’t die an unhappy death also in whose house they will be read.  Therefore take these prayers and carry them into St. Peter’s Basilica and lay them in the Chapel named the Assumption of Mary, for certain consolation.  The person who will be near death, who reads them or hears them read gains 400 years indulgence for the days he was supposed to suffer in Purgatory because of his guilt.  Also who reads this prayer or hears it read, the hour of his death shall be revealed to him. Amen!

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No One Is Like You, Lord !

Following Jeremiah's statement will increase life before and after any circumstance we will encounter in life. In the Year of Faith let each one of us be reminded of the Prophet Jeremiah's statement in Chapter 10 verse 6.

Coping With Traumatic Events

• Spend time with other people. Coping with stressful events is easier when people support each other.
• If it helps, talk about how you are feeling. Be willing to listen to others who need to talk about how you feel.
• Get back to your everyday routines. Familiar habits can be comforting.
• Take time to grieve and cry if you need to. To feel better in the long run, you need to let these feelings out instead pushing them away or hiding them.
• Ask support from family, friends, Church, and other community resources. Join Hand of Passion Support Group call 877 867 8556.
• Eat healthy food and take time to walk , stretch, exercise, and relax,. Even if for a few minutes at a time.
• Make Sure you get enough rest and sleep. You may need more sleep than usual when you highly stress.
• Do Something that just feels good to you, such as taking a warm bath, taking a walk, sitting in the sun, or petting your pet.
• If you are trying to do too much, cur back by putting off or giving up things that abounding necessary
• If TV news reports get too distressing, turn them off and distract your self by doing something you enjoy.