Contentment over Happiness

Sure, we all want to feel happy.  But seeking contentment is a better goal.  Happiness is a mood state, inevitably fleeting, while contentment is more sustainable.  Here are some thoughts on how to find it.

I define contentment as being able to be in the moment BECAUSE you have a sense of the larger picture–you’re able to appreciate momentary pleasure and shrug off stress and annoyances by virtue of knowing that you are where you want to be on a grander scale (or you can envision yourself getting to where you want to be.)

I know, it sounds deceptively simple.  Sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to do. 

 Like when people tell you “Be in the moment” or “Be spontaneous”–you become all the more self-conscious.

But they also get easier with practice.  Mindfulness and appreciation can be learned skills.  They come more naturally to some than others, but if you stick with it, you will improve.

1)  When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to the present.

I say “gently” because frustration is an enemy of being in the moment.  And contentment involves some degree of present-focus.  So if you’re on, say, a family outing and you’re thinking about all the laundry you have to do, remind yourself to be where you are.  You’ll probably have to remind yourself of this multiple times, and that’s okay.  It’s all practice.

2)  Realize that  happiness–like frustration or irritation or anger–is fleeting.

The reason this is actually a positive realization is that we have a tendency to forget that all emotions pass, given time.  So when we’re in a negative space, we need to pause, breathe deeply, and let it go by.  When we’re happy, we need to embrace it because it’s finite.

3)  Contentment lasts.

That’s because there’s a cognitive component to contentment.  Taking stock of where you are and deciding what you love, what you can change, and what you need to accept is key to contentment.

If you make lists and re-read them, it will help ground you overall.  That will make numbers 1 and 2 on this list easier to practice.  You’ll have something to draw on in that larger scheme.

Self-compassion and the recognition that life is a process, not an outcome, will also be helpful.  Contentment is about cultivating a mindset that promotes happiness.  Then you don’t need to chase it, or to run away from negative emotions, either.

10 Ways to Create a Happy Moment

No, this isn’t meant to be a cure for depression, but we all deserve a good moment. A happy moment can both break a string of negative moods, and it can also pave the way for more positive moments. Here are ten suggestions for putting ourselves in a good mood:
1) Listen to, or watch something funny. Laughter has a way of completely wiping out a negative mood.
2) Compliment people you don’t know. It’s amazing how a bit of genuine positive energy towards others can in turn make us feels good, too.

3) Laugh at yourself. We all can have a way of taking ourselves too seriously, at times. Sometimes just poking a little fun at ourselves with a little perspective can lighten us up.
4) Regress. Remember what it’s like to be a child? Don’t just sadly reminisce of the past, do something that takes you back to your childhood. Ride the go-karts, play kick ball, do an art project, ride a scooter, go on a scavenger hunt, go on the swings, etc. Allow yourself to be an eight-year old in an adult body.
5) Hold a baby. Another of nature’s wonders. Somehow holding a baby — anyone’s baby (as long as you have the parents’ permission!) — can make things seem so simple. For a moment, it’s possible to forget our troubles and retreat to the innocence of infancy.
6) Create a playlist of happy songs. Whichever songs are happy for you, have the playlist ready to go for when you could use a boost. Try to include songs from various positive points in your life, if possible.
7) Spend time in nature. Granted, not everybody may love the outdoors, but removing oneself from the indoor environment into fresh air can lift our moods. Whether you prefer to be around mountains, trees, lakes, deserts, beaches, etc., find a place that can change the environment and bring you some peace.
8) Treat yourself. Be careful with this one, especially if you’re someone who habitually spends and shops. This is more for people who tend to live lives of restraint. The point of this isn’t to go on a spree, as much as it’s to treat yourself to something you usually wouldn’t. This could be something as simple as an ice cream sundae, or allowing yourself to do an activity you may not usually do. Occasionally allowing ourselves a little bit of freedom for a treat is necessary so we don’t collapse under the weight of restraint.
9) Take a bath (or spend time in a jacuzzi). This is a often a great mood changer, especially if coming from a state of stress or anger. A warm bath can draw the blood flow away from the head and distribute it throughout the body, leading to both physical and mental relaxation (also can be good for stress headache relief).
10) Create your own joke or limerick. While this could fit in with “regression”, this gets its own mention because if you can make yourself laugh, you’re having a happy moment. Feel free to get crude and childish with your joke or limerick. No one has to appreciate it but you.