So now I’d like to highlight the particular strengths
you likely have if you grew up this way.
The Five Uncommon Strengths of the Emotionally
Neglected
Independent: Growing up you knew, even though it was
perhaps never said out loud, that you were essentially on your own. Problem
with a teacher? You solved it. Conflict with a friend? You figured it out
yourself. Your childhood was a training ground for self-sufficiency. Now, as an
adult, you prefer to do things yourself. Because you’re so very competent, the
great thing is that for the most part, you can.
Compassionate: As a child your feelings were far too
often ignored. But that probably didn’t stop you from feeling for others.
Research has shown that even young babies feel empathy. I have noticed that many
people who were emotionally neglected in childhood have decreased access to
their own feelings, but extra sensitivity to other people’s feelings.
Compassion is a powerful, healing, and bonding force. And you have it in
spades.
Giving: Having received a dearth of emotional
acknowledgment and validation in childhood, you learned not to ask for things.
Part of being independent and compassionate is that you are more aware of
others’ needs than you are of your own. So now as an adult, you don’t ask for a
lot, but you do give a lot.
Flexible: As a child, you were probably not often
consulted. Instead of being asked what you wanted or needed, you had no choice
but to adjust to the situation at hand. So now, all grown up, you’re not
demanding, pushy or controlling. Instead, you’re the opposite. You can go with
the flow far better than most people. And you do.
Likable: The people of Childhood Emotional Neglect are
some of the most likable in this world. Compassionate, giving and selfless, you
are the one your friends seek out when they need help, advice or support. You
are there for your family and friends, and maybe even strangers too. Others
know that they can rely on you. Are you ever puzzled about why people like you?
It’s because you have these five unmistakably lovable qualities.
Many CEN people are secretly aware of their great
strength, and value it in themselves.
I don’t need help,
I don’t need anything,
I can handle it,
I’ll take care of it,
I’ll be fine with whatever you decide,
I’m strong,
they say.
If this is true of you, the idea of changing yourself
can be frightening. You don’t want to feel dependent on anyone, including a
therapist, friend or spouse. You’re afraid of appearing needy, or weak, or
helpless. You have a grave fear of becoming selfish.
But here is the beauty of CEN: Your strengths are so
enduring that you can make them even better by balancing them.
So you remain independent, but you lose your fear of
depending on someone when you need to.
You remain as competent as you’ve always been, but
you’re OK with asking for help when you need it.
You stay flexible and can go with the flow, but you
are also aware and mindful of your own needs.
You can still handle things.
You’re just as strong as ever.
More balanced and more open, you’re still loved and
respected by all who know you.
And the great thing is that now you also love and
respect yourself.
