Health Risks among those in Bereavement

 The weeks and months after the death of a spouse or child may be a particularly risky time for their loved ones.

So say Dutch experts who reviewed studies on bereavement (defined as recently losing a significant person to death) in the U.S., Europe, Australia, and other countries.

Their review shows that death, illness, and emotional distress are more likely among the bereaved than among other people, especially in the first six months of bereavement.

The higher death rate among the bereaved is "attributable in large part to a so-called broken heart," write Utrecht University's Margaret Stroebe, Ph.D, and colleagues.

Suicide, alcohol-related deaths, and heart disease deaths are among the risks. Nonfatal illnesses also rise during bereavement, the review shows

Psychologically, bereavement is "a harrowing experience for most people, one that causes considerable upset and disruption of everyday life," Stroebe's team writes.

"For most people the experience, though difficult, is tolerable and abates with time," they write.

Each person's bereavement experience is unique. Moreover, while no one can replace the person who has died, support from friends and family makes a difference, note Stroebe, and her colleagues.

They observe that grief is normal, but complicated grief -- an unusually long and/or intense grieving period -- is rare but may call for professional counseling.

Dr. Nicholas Losito, Ph.D, CISM continues to assist at the time of disruption within the daily routines of life. 

Coping With Grief at Christmas

Christmas are a time for fellowship and friendship with those you love. However, for many bereaved families, it is also the time of year when they remember the ones in lives who have died. How one handles this grief depends on many factors:

• Relationship to person who died
• Time since loved one's passing
• How many living family members and friends will join in holiday festivities
• What stage of grief is the bereaved person is in

Once these factors are identified, the bereaved can decide what would be best in dealing with grief at Christmas. There are many ways this can be done including honoring the loved one lost or creating new family traditions.

Grieve

It's OK to be sad when you miss someone you love. It's only natural to feel the grief and heartache associated with being alone. When you start feeling overwhelmed by the holidays:

• Spend some time alone, reading your bereavement cards or letters from others about the person who died
• Go to the cemetery or other resting place
• Write a letter to the person who died
• Seek Dr. Losito if the grief is too overwhelming to handle alone
• Share memories of the person with whoever will listen

Hold a Memorial Service

On Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, hold a special graveside Memorial Services honoring the person who died. This will give everyone a chance to connect with their feelings about the deceased person. Activities to include in the memorial service are:

• Singing a few special holiday songs
• Reading a few favorite Bible passages or poems
• A photographic slide show at the Christmas celebration
• Placing favorite flowers or grave blanket on the headstone
• Have a special Mass or religious service held in the deceased person's memory

Create New Family Traditions

Grief at Christmas can be eased by changing family traditions that normally would make you sad. If it is a parent  you grieve, then make your holiday festivities different than what they were when he or she was alive. Change the location of the celebration or just do things different if that is what you prefer. If it was a child who dies, consider including him or her in your celebration:

• Put up a stocking with the child's name on it
• Add the child's name to Christmas cards in a way that makes you and your family feel comfortable
• Place flowers or toys at the child's resting place
• Make a toy donation in his or her name
• Buy a special angel ornament to add to your tree

Take a Year Off

There is no rule that says you have to celebrate Christmas with your family and friends. If your grief is so fresh or overwhelming, take a year off. Spend the day watching your favorite movies alone if that is what you want to do. You don't have to put a Christmas tree or send out holiday cards. If anyone asks, tell them you needed some time for yourself this year and hope to be back into the festivities next year. Instead of celebrating, you can:

• Volunteer at a food kitchen
• Spend time at your favorite spot meditating or reflecting
• Take a long walk
• Spend time with an elderly neighbor or one who is alone on Christmas
• Create your own support group and invite others over who are suffering through the same kind of loss.

A Final Thought

Christmas is exactly what you make of it. It can be a joyous time of year or it can leave you feeling sad and lonely. Remember, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable -- you are the one grieving and need time to do that.

La morte non è niente.

La morte non è niente.
 Sono solamente passato dall'altra parte:
 è come fossi nascosto nella stanza accanto.
 Io sono sempre io e tu sei sempre tu.
 Quello che eravamo prima l'uno per l'altro lo siamo ancora.
 Chiamami con il nome che mi hai sempre dato, che ti è familiare;
 parlami nello stesso modo affettuoso che hai sempre usato.
 Non cambiare tono di voce, non assumere un'aria solenne o triste.
 Continua a ridere di quello che ci faceva ridere,
 di quelle piccole cose che tanto ci piacevano
 quando eravamo insieme.
 Prega, sorridi, pensami!
 Il mio nome sia sempre la parola familiare di prima:
 pronuncialo senza la minima traccia d'ombra o di tristezza.
 La nostra vita conserva tutto il significato che ha sempre avuto:
 è la stessa di prima, c'è una continuità che non si spezza.
 Perché dovrei essere fuori dai tuoi pensieri e dalla tua mente, solo perché sono fuori dalla tua vista?
 Non sono lontano, sono dall'altra parte, proprio dietro l'angolo.
 Rassicurati, va tutto bene.
 Ritroverai il mio cuore,
 ne ritroverai la tenerezza purificata.
 Asciuga le tue lacrime e non piangere, se mi ami:
 il tuo sorriso è la mia pace.

Just Go Slowly !!!!

My Angel

REGINA COELI: RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO BECOME DISCOURAGED

Vatican City, 13 May 2012 (VIS) - "As Mother of the Church, Our Lady always wants to comfort her children at the time of their greatest difficulty and suffering", said the Pope today before praying the Regina Coeli with thousands of faithful who had attended his Mass at the "Il Prato" park in the Italian city of Arezzo.

"Through Mary, we invoke moral consolation from God, so that this community and the whole of Italy may resist the temptation to become discouraged and, strengthened by their great humanist tradition, may set out again on the road to spiritual and moral renewal which is the only thing that can bring authentic improvement in social and civil life".

After praying the Regina Coeli, Benedict XVI made a private visit to the cathedral of San Donato where he paused before the Chapel of Our Lady of Good Comfort to adore the Blessed Sacrament and venerate the image of the Virgin. From there, he travelled to the bishop's palace where he had lunch with bishops from the Tuscan region.

This is a very good practice to follow to prevent any unwanted bereavement thoughts. Ask the Holy Mother of God to provide comfort to you and your loved ones. Most Importantly is to have a Family Rosary recited each night during the recent loss in your lives.