Funeral Programs

Creating a Funeral Program

Funeral programs are booklets distributed to those attending a funeral or memorial service. They commonly list basic information about the deceased, such as:

• Full name
• Dates of birth and death
• Time, date and place of funeral
• Officiant
• Location of interment
• Pallbearers
• Anyone else who is publicly participating in the service
• List of funeral songs

Additionally, families may choose to add personal elements to the program:

• Photographs
• Poetry
• Surviving family members
• Thank you note from the family
• Artwork created for or by the deceased person
• Biography

But trying to put all of this together -- and at times without much notice -- can be a trying task. But thanks to the Internet, you can find a free funeral program template with which you can copy and use for your booklet.

Samples of Free Funeral Program Templates

A simple Google search will return only a few free funeral program templates. However, choosing just one as an outline for your booklet may take some time:

• Catholic Ireland has a downloadable Microsoft Word document that can be used and/or copied for a funeral Mass pamphlet.
• Saint John Neumann Parish has a worksheet you can print out and fill in with all of the pertinent information you will need for a funeral booklet.
• Our Lady of Victories has a template you can use to create a booklet for a funeral Mass.
• Microsoft Office Online offers a free funeral pamphlet template.

Funeral Program Templates for Web Pages

As a living reminder of a person who has died, some individuals create a web page or website filled with all of the information that would normally be part of a funeral program. However, with a website, you have more flexibility and room to include more elements such as:

• Videos
• Photo slide shows
• Poetry
• Music
• Spoken words
• Blogs
• Guestbooks
• The ability to update as necessary
• Opportunity to e-mail it to those who could not attend the service

If you don't know how to design a web page, but want to create this memorial, several websites offer free templates:

• Host Gator has three templates available for download. Two are website templates, while one is an enhanced Flash template.
• ABC Funeral Home has two styles of website templates available for download.
• Together.ie has a guide that you can use to design a program for a Catholic funeral.
• Free Website Templates has two memorial page templates available for free download.
• Pet Templates has a couple of serene website templates for you to use.

If you want to spend some money on templates, here are some sites that offer that service:

• Family Heritage Templates is designed to be used with Microsoft Publisher or Microsoft Word. Choose from a variety of designs.
• Funeral Printer sells a package of 24 designs for $99. For use with Microsoft Publisher.
• Basic Templates has a rather large selection of web page templates at a reasonable cost.

Final Thought

Undertaking the task of creating a funeral or memorial program can be exhausting, especially if the death is sudden and if you were close to the person who died. Don't be afraid to enlist the help of other family members or friends. And remember, to double check the spelling of everything you put either in the program or online. No one likes to have their name misspelled.

California Bereavement Laws

If you looked for information on the bereavement law for California, you probably had a difficult time finding a legal document on the books. California, like many other states, doesn't have a formal policy. However, many employers have standards in place that allow workers to take time off when a close family member dies. This leave usually includes time for individuals to prepare for, travel to/from and attend the funeral.

California Bereavement Laws

Even though California doesn't have a protocol in place, there was a time when lawmakers tried to establish one. In 2007, Senate Bill 549 was introduced by Sen. Ellen Corbett (D-San Leandro, who stated: "Without legislation providing the right to bereavement leave, an employer may legally discharge an employee for requesting or taking any leave of absence to prepare or attend the funeral of a loved one." The bill offered California employees the right to take off four unpaid days from work due to the death of a child, parent, spouse, domestic partner, sibling, grandparent or grandchild. The bill wouldn't guarantee a worker's pay for his or her time away, but it would safeguard the job.

However, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed this bill because he felt most California business owners already have standard bereavement leave policies in place and approving this legislation would add confusion. "Instead of expanding the confusing network of laws that presently exist, employers and employees should be working together to eliminate confusion and create a system of workplace laws that protect workers, provides reasonable leave requirements, and offers both employers and employees flexibility to meet their respective needs," he wrote in his veto.

What Most Employers Offer

Most business owners in California offer some sort of bereavement leave package for their employees, who typically utilize unused personal, sick and vacation time when they need to attend a funeral. However, if that time is not available, and a protocol is not in place, a worker risks losing his or her job by taking this time off.

For those companies that have bereavement leave policies in place, documentation of the loved one's death -- usually a copy of the obituary is sufficient -- may be required. Anywhere from one to four days (either paid or unpaid) is usually permitted for the following immediate family members:

• Husband or wife
• Domestic partner (in most cases)
• Parent
• Child
• Sibling
• Grandparent
• Grandchild
• Stepparent
• Stepchild
• Mother- or father-in-law
• Brother- or sister-in-law

Some employers even allow a one-day leave of absence for workers to attend the funeral of non-immediate family member.

Sample Bereavement Law for California Universities

The California State University system has a very clear bereavement policy in place for its workers. It includes up to five paid days off (time allowed depends on job category within the university system) for the funeral of an immediate family member or significantly close relative. This includes two days for the funeral events and three days for travel, if the funeral is more than a 500-mile round trip. This policy is for all full- and part-time eligible employees, and the time off does not go against any personal, sick or vacation days that are accrued.

Why Employers May Not Like Bereavement Laws

Even though there aren't any federal or state bereavement leave policies in place to which California employers must adhere, most employers will allow their employees to take time off to attend a funeral. However, in some professions, this can cause a hardship for the company. For instance, if employees are allowed to take up to five days off with pay, a temporary employee may be hired or another worker may have to work overtime to make up the hours and the work. This goes for employees who use vacation, sick or personal time to attend a funeral.

That extra money used to pay for another employee has to come out of the company's bottom line. This is why some company owners do not offer bereavement leave packages or want a law passed in their state. They don't want to be required to spend the extra money.

Bereavement Leave vs. Family and Medical Leave Act

In 2004, California became the first state in the union to offer paid family leave under conditions outlined in the national Family and Medical Leave Act and the California Family Rights Act. Qualified employees receive up to six weeks of Family Temporary Disability Insurance over a one-year period to care for a family member. However, this does not cover bereavement leave. Workers can care for a family member who is dying, but once that individual passes, he or she must take bereavement leave -- paid or unpaid depending on the company. Employees in this situation should look into their company's protocol before taking the time off.

A Final Note

While there is not a bereavement law for California available, individuals applying for jobs should inquire about the company's policy ahead of time. Unfortunately, at some time in their lives, everyone will attend the funeral of a close family member . It is best to be prepared at work when this tragedy happens. Most human resources departments should have this information readily available.

Understand Your Emotions

Identify your feelings

Sometimes after a loss, it is hard to figure out exactly what you are feeling. You may have several feelings at the same time or conflicting feelings, such as sadness and relief. Writing is a good way to identify what you are feeling. Writing about what you feel can:

• Stimulate thinking and help you organize and analyze your thoughts.
• Deepen your understanding of a situation and may help you get in touch with feelings you had not recognized before.
• Prompt you to reflect on what is happening to you. This can help you put things into perspective and come to an understanding of how the changes affect your life.

When you are ready:

• Set aside time to write.
• Choose a private, comfortable place to do your writing.
• Choose a method of writing. You may choose to write a letter to your loved one, for example, or a poem or story.
• Don't worry about how well you write. Write about everyday occurrences or conversations you have had.
• Write what you feel. Don't screen your thoughts; give yourself permission to write whatever comes to mind. Strong feelings (such as fear, anger, or frustration) may arise. Write about simple pleasures and joys you have experienced, too. If you have concerns about your strong feelings, talk with a trusted friend, member of the clergy, or mental health professional.

Accept your feelings

• Talk with people about how you are feeling. Resist the urge to be quiet around or avoid people. If you are having trouble talking about your feelings with family members and friends, consider joining a bereavement support group.
• Express your emotions. You may feel that this is a sign of weakness, or that you won't be able to control yourself if you show your emotions. None of these is true. However, if you are afraid that you might harm yourself or someone else if you express an emotion, talk with someone you trust, your health professional, or a mental health professional about your concerns.
• Be patient and kind to yourself. Your feelings may be unpredictable and uncomfortable. Remind yourself that your uncomfortable feelings are expected and will fade as time goes on.

Handling difficult feelings

Each person handles emotion differently. Here are some ideas about how to deal with some of the most common feelings during the grieving process:

• Dealing with worry and anxiety
• Getting past feeling guilty
• Handling feeling of insecurity
• Handling  Over-Sensitivity
• Handling sadness and yearning
• Overcoming spiritual turmoil
• Overcoming frustration and anger

Test Your Knowledge

1. A good way to deal with your feelings of emotional distress related to grief is to:

a. Express your emotions.

b. Talk with Dr. Nicolas about how you feel.

c. Be Patient with yourself and get a sorbet for a treat.

Knowing What to Anticipate

When a death takes location, you might experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected. Numerous individuals report feeling an initial stage of numbness after first learning of a death, but there is no actual order to the grieving process.


Some emotions you may experience consist of:


 Denial
 Disbelief
 Confusion
 Shock
 Sadness
 Yearning
 Anger
 Humiliation
 Despair
 Guilt


These feelings are normal and common reactions to loss. You may not be prepared for the intensity and duration of your emotions or how swiftly your moods might change. You might even start to doubt the stability of your mental wellness. But be assured that these feelings are healthy and suitable and will assist you to come to terms together with your loss.
Mourning A Loved One


It is not simple to cope after a loved 1 dies. You will mourn and grieve. Mourning is the natural process you go via to accept a major loss. Mourning might include religious traditions honoring the dead or gathering with friends and family to share your loss. Mourning is personal and might last months or years.


Grieving is the outward expression of your loss. Your grief is likely to be expressed physically, emotionally, and psychologically. For instance, crying is a physical expression, whilst depression is a psychological expression.


It is extremely essential to allow yourself to express these feelings. Frequently, death is a topic that is avoided, ignored or denied. At first it might appear helpful to separate yourself from the discomfort, but you can't avoid grieving forever. Someday those feelings will require to be resolved or they may trigger physical or emotional illness.


Numerous individuals report physical symptoms that accompany grief. Stomach pain, loss of appetite, intestinal upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy are all common symptoms of acute grief. Of all life’s stresses, mourning can seriously test your natural defense systems. Existing illnesses might worsen or new conditions might develop.


Profound emotional reactions may occur. These reactions consist of anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, depression and thoughts of suicide. An obsession with the deceased is also a common reaction to death.
Dealing with a Major Loss


The death of a loved one is always challenging. Your reactions are influenced by the circumstances of a death, particularly when it is sudden or accidental. Your reactions are also influenced by your relationship with the person who died.


A child’s death arouses an overwhelming sense of injustice - for lost possible, unfulfilled dreams and senseless suffering. Parents may really feel responsible for the child’s death, regardless of how irrational that may seem. Parents might also feel that they have lost a essential part of their own identity.


A spouse’s death is very traumatic. Additionally to the severe emotional shock, the death may cause a possible financial crisis if the spouse was the family’s primary income source. The death might necessitate major social adjustments requiring the surviving spouse to parent alone, adjust to single life and perhaps even return to function.


Elderly people may be particularly vulnerable when they lose a spouse simply because it indicates losing a lifetime of shared experiences. At this time, feelings of loneliness might be compounded by the death of close friends.


A loss due to suicide can be among the most difficult losses to bear. They may leave the survivors with a tremendous burden of guilt, anger and shame. Survivors may even really feel responsible for the death. Seeking counseling throughout the first weeks after the suicide is especially beneficial and advisable.
Living with Grief


Coping with death is essential to your mental health. It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies. The very best factor you are able to do is allow your self to grieve. There are lots of methods to cope effectively with your pain.


 Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can comprehend your feelings of loss. Join support groups with other people who're experiencing similar losses.
 Express your feelings. Tell other people how you're feeling; it'll help you to work through the grieving procedure.
 Take care of your health. Maintain normal contact with your loved ones physician and be sure to eat well and get a lot of rest. Be conscious of the danger of creating a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
 Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.
 Postpone major life modifications. Attempt to hold off on making any major changes, such as moving, remarrying, altering jobs or having another child. You should give your self time to adjust to your loss.
 Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.
 Seek outside assist when necessary. If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek expert help to assist function via your grief. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek assist.


Helping Other people Grieve


If somebody you care about has lost a loved 1, you can help them through the grieving process.


 Share the sorrow. Permit them - even encourage them - to talk about their feelings of loss and share memories of the deceased.
 Don’t offer false comfort. It does not assist the grieving person whenever you say “it was for the best” or “you’ll get more than it in time.” Instead, offer a simple expression of sorrow and take time to listen.
 Provide practical help. Baby-sitting, cooking and running errands are all methods to help someone who is in the midst of grieving.
 Be patient. Remember that it can take a lengthy time to recover from a major loss. Make your self accessible to talk.
 Encourage expert assist when necessary. Do not hesitate to suggest expert help whenever you feel somebody is experiencing too much pain to cope alone.


Helping Children Grieve


Kids who encounter a major loss may grieve differently than adults. A parent’s death could be especially difficult for little children, affecting their sense of security or survival. Often, they're confused about the modifications they see taking place around them, especially if well-meaning adults try to protect them from the truth or from their surviving parent’s display of grief.


Limited understanding and an inability to express feelings puts extremely young children at a special disadvantage. Young kids might revert to earlier behaviors (like bed-wetting), ask questions about the deceased that appear insensitive, invent games about dying or pretend that the death never happened.


Coping with a child’s grief puts added strain on a bereaved parent. However, angry outbursts or criticism only deepen a child’s anxiety and delays recovery. Rather, talk honestly with kids, in terms they can comprehend. Take extra time to talk with them about death and the individual who has died. Assist them work via their feelings and keep in mind that they are looking to adults for suitable behavior.
Seeking to the Future


Keep in mind, with support, patience and effort, you'll survive grief. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.

GOALS!

The Focus Factor
Goals work simply because without a clearly defined target, we cannot channel our energies. The human spirit has infinite abilities to accomplish most anything it sets out to achieve, but without clearly defined targets, that capacity is scattered and massively diluted. Goals work to focus our power just as a magnifying glass can capture scattered light and turn it into the power to burn.

The Visualization Factor
Crystal-clear goals allow us to utilize visualization, unleashing powers 10 to 100 times greater than that of goal-setting alone.

The human spirit and unconscious mind cannot distinguish between an actual experience and one that has been vividly imagined. Our conscious mind certainly can. This is the discerning part of our mind, the part with all the mind-numbing judgments about people (including ourselves), and the part that keeps us playing small. However, to that part of us which is powerful, magical and spiritual, the visualized event is seen and felt as though it is really happening now. This experiential seeing, feeling and knowing creates an instant sense of confidence.

The Belief Factor
In a 2004 Masters Golf Tournament, Phil Mickelson was trailing by three strokes with only six holes to play. He had to sink this very difficult putt to give himself a chance to win. In his words Phil, "Kept believing and believing that things would work out for him that day." And they did. He sank the putt, birdied another and then sank an improbable 20-footer on the 18th to win by one stroke. This victory-causing belief was not a function of experience. Mickelson had the undesirable distinction of playing in 48 major tournaments and never winning any of them! He was known for being the best golfer in the world never to have won a Major.

How can you learn like Phil Mickelson to believe in something that has never actually happened for you?

Visualization creates the breakthrough. Imagine yourself achieving a goal and celebrating how it feels. Imagine yourself doing this 1,000 times over a 30-day period. To your conscious mind, you have just imagined something that "might never happen." But to the part of you that inspires miracles, it just did happen – 1,000 times! When the pressure is on for you to perform, it is the spirit within you that will be summoned to act or attract ‘luck.’ And after experiencing success 1,000 times, that part of you will tend to believe.

Your head may not believe it – but your body, heart and soul will.

Post Holiday Worry's

Some of the holidays are past and others will soon be over. I find that many people dread the holidays.

There are expectations heaped on about family, friends, good will, and a meal shared with loved ones together in a cozy atmosphere. The holidays don’t change things; the holidays amplify things.

If we are in a close family unit then holidays will magnify this and make the experience even better. Many people don’t live in that type of world.

Geography has separated us from family and friends. Families used to live together in the same village or town for generations. This did not guarantee that folks got along, but it did provide for a sense of belonging. If you have two dozen relatives in a town chances are you get along with at least some of them. If you only have one or two relatives the chance of conflict is greater. If you have no relative then you are at the mercy of the dreaded long-distance relationship. You can be cut off without any recourse.

Children and teens often talk about their holiday experiences in counseling. 

Their commentary on the holidays is most interesting. They often express feeling embarrassed, not understood, confused, moody, and upset. After we talk for a while they may have a clearer idea about their concerns. For example, teenagers often experience anxiety and/or depression during the time they are out of school. Life goes from fast-paced to a snail crawl within a day or two. Here are some thoughts about the moods you may observe in your kids once they are home for the holidays.

Children spend the majority of their life in a school atmosphere. When not at school they experience a change in mood. Although most kids are happy to have the breaks, they are not always prepared for how to go from one dimension of involvement to another. They need empathy and assistance in making the transition from school to home and then from home back to the school environment.

Teens tell me that they feel bored. Parents often feel insulted, as they do try to provide a meaningful life for their children. The boredom is more about the change from busy to sedate. Children and teens can benefit from hearing that it is OK to be bored and without a particular pursuit in progress. It is OK to just be and not always do. In our fast-paced culture and world it is easy to forget how to be, how to just breath, and how to appreciate the sound of your own heart beating. The flurry of all things that need to be done distracts us from our natural biologic and animal rhythm.

Children often report there is considerable fighting or tension over the holidays. They keep the secrets about what goes on in the family and this is a huge burden to carry. They don’t want to dishonor their parents by talking about the mean things said or done. They are embarrassed to talk about it, because a part of them feels they must bear some responsibility in their parents choice of actions.

If your child or teen seems sullen make time to talk or go for a walk and just share silence together.

If you child is angry ask what might help right now. You could take a hike, go to the gym, do something that works the body. Or, play one of those video games you hate to see your kids play. Do it together and ask your child what it is about the game they most like. It isn’t the violence they like. It is not being caught and killed. This is partly due to the similarity to real life and how consequences to a child or teen feel like a death threat.

Continue to remember that children feel everything adults do, but they feel many things for the first time. The first times are always more intense. Have empathy, be emotionally available, and let these wonderful little guys and gals know how important they are to you.

Are We Thankful?

“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” — Paulo Coelho

Each year is a transition.  We let go of relationships, connections to places, jobs and ways of being.  But this opens us to new people, new associations and different ways of relating.  Through death or circumstance or choice we move away from those we loved, or cared for, or knew: The unknown, the surprise, the unexpected takes their place.  This is life.

Too often the losses weigh us down with a centrifugal sadness that keeps us pinned to the passing.  Our energy is invested in the mourning, often for longer than what may be healthy or helpful.  But the loss we experience is directly proportional to the joy and love and engagement we have had.  We feel the pain because we knew the joy.  So the grieving must honor the connection as well.

The research of gratitude keeps demonstrating how powerful a positive intervention of having gratitude in our lives can be.  To acknowledge someone for being in your life is one of the most dynamic ways to increase your well-being and the well-being of others.  This exercise works best if you write it down, and even better if you can deliver a letter of gratitude to the person involved.  Here’s how it works.

If it is possible and appropriate, meaning that it would not cause harm, embarrassment or upset to the other person, find them.  Track them down and read them the letter.  This is the famous gratitude visit exercise researched by Martin Seligman, the positive psychology researcher.  Think of a person who has been a positive person in your life, but with whom you are no longer involved.  Write out a letter of gratitude for the positive features of your relationship.

If they are unavailable or have died, read the letter out loud to an empty chair.  Let them know how much you appreciate who they are (were) and the joy and gratitude you have for them being (or have been) in your life. 

Now for the interesting part: Reverse roles. Sit in the empty chair and become them for the role play. As them, respond to the letter that was just read to you.

Finally, come back into your own chair and say the final things you wish to say.  Notice how you feel.  Yes, they may no longer be in your life, but honoring the joys they brought you can help them if they are available, and you feel better if it is done through an empty chair.  I call this second method the Virtual Gratitude Visit (VGV).

There may be others you would like to share your gratitude with.  New research has show that gratitude toward God is perhaps one of the most powerful ways to evoke feelings of well-being.  With a VGV you may want to express your gratitude toward God.  Yes, it is okay to reverse roles and become him, but don’t forget to come back to your own chair.  Otherwise you are going to find a lot of prayer requests in your email inbox.

Last but not least, as we transition into the New Year, perform a VGV toward the people we haven’t met.  When I think back to last January and the people I said goodbye to over the year, literally several dozen new people came into my life who have filled me with unexpected joy and hope and wonderment.  Gratitude can be used to open us up to the future.  Try a VGV with a person you haven’t met yet but know you are scheduled to meet, or to the unknown, unexpected encounters you are bound to have. You may even want to express your gratitude toward a future self, the person you are becoming over the next year.

Finally, when the dust from the VGVs settles down, take a moment and review the year. Notice your breath.  Just like people and events in our life, our breath is drawn in and released.  We don’t hold on or just breathe out: we take in and let go.  What we are left with is the stuff of life.

We began with the words of the brilliant Brazilian lyricist and novelist, Paulo Coelho.  I do not think anyone could say it more clearly than him, so it seems fitting to end with his thoughts as well. “When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive.” 

References

Rosmarin, D.H., Pirutinsky, S., Cohen. A., Galler, Y., & Krumrei, E.J. (2011). Grateful to God or just plain grateful? A study of religious and non-religious gratitude. Journal of Positive Psychology, 6(5), 389-396.

Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410.

Tomasulo, D. (2011). Can God and Gratitude Help Your Mental Health?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 27, 2011, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives /2011/12/11/can-god-and-gratitude-help-your-mental-health/