Prevention

Loneliness can hit at almost any time. When Amity Brown separated from her husband of 11 years, for instance, she felt -- understandably --  isolated and sad. "The hardest thing is not having someone with that deep emotional knowledge of me to catch me when I fall," says the 41-year-old photographer based in Oakland, Calif.

It's almost inevitable that losing a spouse or moving to a new town can make you feel lonely; but loneliness can strike even without major life changes. You can be alone without being lonely, or you can feel lonely in a crowd. True loneliness is simply a feeling of being disconnected from others; 5% to 7% of middle-aged and older adults report feeling intense or persistent loneliness.

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By Ellen Welty Yes, you love the woman, but her constant commentary on your haircut, housekeeping, and more is making you nuts. To get her to back off, read on.

"Loneliness is what you say it is. You can't tell somebody you shouldn't be lonely," says Louise Hawkley, PhD, senior research scientist with the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago.

Loneliness and Illness

Loneliness is not only emotionally painful; it can harm your health. It's a risk factor for a host of problems: high blood pressure; sleep problems; decreased ability to deal with the stress of daily life; and the body's reduced ability to handle inflammation, leading to conditions such as atherosclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and tendinitis, as well as a weakened immune system, so you're more susceptible to illness. Researchers have yet to identify the exact ways these health problems occur, but they know that loneliness seems to make them worse.

While many of these issues don't show up until middle age or later, the damage begins early, according to Hawkley. Small increases in stress chemicals released into the bloodstream can, over time, damage blood vessels all over the body.

Of course, some lonely times are inevitable in everyone's life, and you don't need to fear them. Think of loneliness as a thirst for companionship, one you can satisfy. Says Hawkley, "It's a feeling that, if it's doing its job, it gets you out there to sate that need to feel connected." 

The Loneliness Cure

Louise Hawkley, PhD, says we should think of loneliness not as a state but as a motivation to get social. Here's how:

Get out and about. You don't have to be best friends with someone to benefit from interaction. Amity Brown, who is separated from her husband, takes walks around her neighborhood, smiling at people she passes. "When I started getting to know the neighborhood and the people around me, I felt like part of a community," she says.

Be selective about making friends. Hawkley points out that if you're desperate for relationships, you may be willing to tolerate unacceptable treatment. Now that Brown is feeling more stable, she says, "I'm more careful when I choose my friends to make sure they're low-drama."

Stay positive. Lonely people tend to expect rejection, which makes it more likely to happen. Social cognitive therapy can help people reframe their thoughts about how others see them.

La morte non è niente.

La morte non è niente.
 Sono solamente passato dall'altra parte:
 è come fossi nascosto nella stanza accanto.
 Io sono sempre io e tu sei sempre tu.
 Quello che eravamo prima l'uno per l'altro lo siamo ancora.
 Chiamami con il nome che mi hai sempre dato, che ti è familiare;
 parlami nello stesso modo affettuoso che hai sempre usato.
 Non cambiare tono di voce, non assumere un'aria solenne o triste.
 Continua a ridere di quello che ci faceva ridere,
 di quelle piccole cose che tanto ci piacevano
 quando eravamo insieme.
 Prega, sorridi, pensami!
 Il mio nome sia sempre la parola familiare di prima:
 pronuncialo senza la minima traccia d'ombra o di tristezza.
 La nostra vita conserva tutto il significato che ha sempre avuto:
 è la stessa di prima, c'è una continuità che non si spezza.
 Perché dovrei essere fuori dai tuoi pensieri e dalla tua mente, solo perché sono fuori dalla tua vista?
 Non sono lontano, sono dall'altra parte, proprio dietro l'angolo.
 Rassicurati, va tutto bene.
 Ritroverai il mio cuore,
 ne ritroverai la tenerezza purificata.
 Asciuga le tue lacrime e non piangere, se mi ami:
 il tuo sorriso è la mia pace.

Reclaiming Your Life

This is not easy, but it is possible, and the process is rewarding. First, work to understand that you are more than your mental illness: you are the same person you were before the diagnosis, maybe you are functioning better, and your life is manageable. Recovery has become a state of being and not just a pursuit to achieve it.

It can be beneficial to seek therapy. Talking about how isolated you feel, how you feel you are different from others is helpful. A competent therapist, a therapist that you can feel comfortable with (this is very important), can help you understand that you are not different than others. People are simply different from each other and this is what makes us unique. This is what makes the world an interesting and accomplished place. You are unique, but you are not exclusively unique. Try to think of what makes you special: the things you do for fun, painting or running for example, traits that define you as a person.

You cannot ignore the fact that you have a experienced a loss in your life, you need to treat it effectively, and work to become or stay recovered, but your life, your personality, is much more than the diagnosis that your psychiatrist has written beside your name. If you can do this, then it is possible to connect with others, and not just those who have a mental illness, people that were your friends before the diagnosis, and the new ones you will meet after.

Never Forgotten !

 

In this Age where no one Is remembered for the examples, which were given to each of us in  assistance and care, love and nurturing. It is Time to Bring this Custom back to the front of our memories to be thankful for the growth and development that was provided into our lives. 

I am ever so grateful to those that gave a portion of their time to my growth and development over the years. 

I do continue to remember those who brought the extra care and understanding in my growth and development.  

A Pre Bereavement Prayer

Three Very Beautiful Prayers Start with the Our Father
 
Which are very useful to a dying person, and should be prayed often as an act of mercy.
There once was a Pope in Rome who was surrounded by many sins.  The Lord God struck him with a fatal illness.  When he saw that he was dying he summoned Cardinals, Bishops and learned persons and said to them:  “My dear friends! What comfort can you give me now that I must die, and when I deserve eternal damnation for my sins?”  No one answered him.  One of them, a pious curate named John, said: “Father, why do you doubt the Mercy of God?”  The Pope replied: “What comfort can you give me now that I must die and fear that I’ll be damned for my sins?” John replied:  “I’ll read three prayers over you; I hope, you’ll be comforted and that you’ll obtain Mercy from God.”  The Pope was unable to say more.  The curate and all those present knelt and said an Our Father, then the following prayers:
 
Prayer 1.
Lord Jesus Christ!  Thou Son of God and Son of the Virgin Mary, God and Man, Thou who in fear sweated blood for us on the Mount of Olives in order to bring peace, and to offer Thy Most Holy Death to God Thy Heavenly Father for the salvation of this dying person…  If it be, however, that by his sins he merits eternal damnation, then may it be deflected from him.  This, O Eternal Father through Our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Dear Son, Who liveth and reigneth in union with The Holy Spirit now and forever.  Amen.
 
Prayer 2.
Lord Jesus Christ!  Thou who meekly died on the trunk of the Cross for us, submitting Thy Will completely to Thy Heavenly Father in order to bring peace and to offer Thy most Holy Death to Thy Heavenly Father in order to free…(this person)…and to hide from him what he has earned with his sins; grant this O Eternal Father!  Through Our Lord Jesus Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth with Thee in union with the Holy Spirit now and forever.  Amen.
 
Prayer 3.
Lord Jesus Christ!  Thou Who remained silent to speak through the mouths of the Prophets;  I have drawn Thee to me through Eternal Love, which love drew Thee from Heaven into the body of the Virgin, which love drew Thee from the body of the Virgin into the valley of this needful world, which Love kept Thee 33 years in this world, and as a sign of Great Love, Thou hast given Thy drink, as a sign of great love, Thou has consented to be a prisoner and to be led from one judge to another and as a sign of great love Thou has consented to be condemned to death, and hast consented to die and to be buried and truly rise, and appeared to Thy Holy Mother and all the Holy Apostles, and as a sign of great love Thou hast ascended, under Thy own strength and power, and sitteth at the right hand of God Thy heavenly Father, and Thou has sent Thy Holy Spirit into the heart of Thy Apostles and the hearts of all who hope and believe in Thee.  Through Thy sign of Eternal love, open heaven today and take this dying person… and all his sins into the realm of Thy Heavenly Father, that he may reign with Thee now and forever.  Amen.
 
Meanwhile the Pope died.  The curate persevered to the third hour, then the Pope appeared to him in body and comforting him; his countenance as brilliant as the sun, his clothes as white as snow, and he said:  “My dear brother!  Whereas I was supposed to be a child of damnation I’ve become a child of happiness.  As you recited the first prayer many of my sins fell from me as rain from Heaven, and as you recited the second Prayer I was purified, as a goldsmith purifies gold in a hot fire.  I was still further purified as you recited the third prayer.  Then I saw Heaven open and the Lord Jesus standing on the Right Hand of God the Father who said to me:  “Come, all thy sins are forgiven thee, you’ll be and remain in the realm of My Father forever.  Amen!”
 
With these words my soul separated from my body and the angels of God led it to Eternal Joy.
As the curate heard this he said: “O Holy Father! I can’t tell these things to anyone, for they won’t believe me.”  Then the Pope said: “Truly I tell thee, the Angel of God stands with me and has written the prayers in letters of gold for the consolement of all sinners.  If a person had committed all the sins in the world, but that the three prayers shall have been read (over him) at his end (death), all his sins wil be forgiven him, even though his soul was supposed to suffer until the Last Judgement, it will be redeemed (freed).
The person who hears them read, he won’t die an unhappy death also in whose house they will be read.  Therefore take these prayers and carry them into St. Peter’s Basilica and lay them in the Chapel named the Assumption of Mary, for certain consolation.  The person who will be near death, who reads them or hears them read gains 400 years indulgence for the days he was supposed to suffer in Purgatory because of his guilt.  Also who reads this prayer or hears it read, the hour of his death shall be revealed to him. Amen!

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